Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Pending Cold Front
The drama of thunderstorms, the majesty of nature's power unfolding so loudly and brilliantly via lightening has always thrilled Lily and I, the only downside to it today will be the colder temperatures that'll be arriving behind the storm front. Yuck.
I'd bought 3 bunches of onion sets, dumbly assuming 100 per pack, but I counted as I planted, three times, and each time the grand total was 75 per bunch. The tag said nothing, it only silently rebuked my assumption. I just muttered grumpily to myself and to the three dogs that were basking in the warm sun.
I went ahead and planted carrots, spinach and lettuce with the pathetic amount of onions.
Earlier in the day a professional woman told me an aside about her best friend now being in the process of adopting a 16 year old from an Eastern Europe country. I cringed inwardly.
I'm a negative Nellie nowadays, and I don't like that about me. The legendary alcohol abuse from that side of the world, the effects it, and too much orphanage institutionalization, will have had on this teen, well that just doesn't bode well for parenting attempts. You might immeditaley find yourself becoming a Grandma.
I hope this lady proves me very wrong. I believe she's adopted before and does have a clue.
I suck emotionally if I'm trying to dissuade this parenting attempt. I should be recruiting folks instead, smiling like the poster child for older child adoption, but I just can't force myself to do so, recovering from the trauma is taking up my time.
I'm simply the recipient and the survivor of some very traumatic experiences that now deeply colors all of my opinions.
"Stop saying those words," Sarah wisely advised me. "Focus on the positive instead," she used words I've often said before.
But, I'm way too traumatized to do so yet.
Truthfully, in today's economy, I'm surprised anyone is adopting a all.
The massive expenses involved, the lifelong commitment, the struggles, both emotional and financial, seem a bit overwhelming when one factors in an uncertain economy as well.
I have 5 sets of downstairs windows that need to be totally replaced, an expensive undertaking representing a small fraction of that which has been destroyed over the years in raging bouts of temper dysregulation. I still have four bedrooms needing the nasty carpeting replaced, but I'm doing it room by room and replacing it with hardwood, so using only cash it's been about a ten year long project.
Last night I'd used 6 pounds of dried black beans versus the usual four pounds, hoping for leftovers tonight as we're a couple days into the penniless end of the month. My pantry is full, our bills are paid, we just don't have any discretionary spending opportunities left, but we owe no one, which always feels better than owning new unpaid for stuff that'd just ruin my mood.
We do have freshly picked daffodils bunched in vases on our kitchen tables, my Camellia's are blooming to beat the band, which makes me smile, the winter dapne is fragrant and lovely, and I can see trees and shrubs buds starting to swell in a promising manner.
Tabby, Nando and I walked down the dirt road to lock the gate at dusk yesterday, exclaiming happily over all the signs we oberved regarding Spring's arrival.
A better sign of Spring, an article on the AJC's front page about the Braves new outfield, yeah boy, I read it happily, already excited for the upcoming baseball season.
My kids are maintaining well, all 12 still living at home, mainly all teenagers now, yet a delightful bunch overall. Who am I to verbally discourage someone from wanting to adopt a teenager? Have I lost my ever loving mind finally? I don't wanna be so jaded.
I also don't wanna see others have to endure what we've endured.
It hasn't been real easy.