"I will," JoJo solemnly promised, " I have 2 and a half more years to mature."
I think he can do it. He has maintained this desire to join the military for many years. He's shown huge improvement over the last couple of years. I really do have hope for him.
Now 30, he's spent more time in the Navy, more time married (8 years) than he did here living at home with us, our emotional bond is very strong though, and I thank God I'm his mom.
To have him sitting here in our kitchen last night with everyone for supper, this after the man's been to Iraq twice, to listen to him talking about places I've never been such as Greece, Italy and Spain, just made my heart swell with pride.
One of my teenage sons here at home, emotionally distant even on good days, has cut a fairly wide berth around Jesse this week, yet I've noticed he is always taking in what's going on. To see an older son of mine, one he never lived with, home now for a week has spoken volumes to this other son about family connections.
How cool is this? Locally produced honey in jars to commemorate the occasion.
I'd kept Mae that morning with me, as Yolie helped her mother-in-law and others set up for the shower. I can't do my own hair, much less Mae's hair, so when this Bita is babysitting, there's not much girl stuff involved.
A lady at Dawn's baby shower wanted to talk adoption, I don't wanna talk anyone out of it, yet I do cringe when I think of parents with young children, with an intact family, venturing into this sometimes way too dangerous arena. There's so much more of necessary, yet now sorely lacking, support systems that need to be put into place before I'd encourage others.
When Jesse and Sergi came home from Iraq about five or so years ago they found me in worse condition than they were in, my PTSD flaming. And I still maintain I'm one of the strongest women I know.
I remember one dark, dark day when our wonderful elementary school principal had sent Ms Carr out here to check on me, or when my longtime pastors had gingerly approached Preston and Chuck, concerned about my well being in light of all I'd endured. I'm not very easy to help, mainly because I don't know the answers either. I don't know what it would take to calm righteously, yet deeply angry, traumatized and violent teenagers who just want to hurt someone, almost as a cathartic release action.
I lived with, and attempted to maintain, the behaviors of more than a few kids who later couldn't even be maintained by a professional staff - assaults still happened. I lived with inherently violent guys who liked to fight, two in particular who ended up with multiple arrests, one a felon, an ex-con now. They loved the adrenaline rush provided by violent actions - how could these behaviors be helped? We tried everything with all kinds of resources and professional help.
I can't, in good conscience, promote that kind of danger via adoption. This should be a wake-up call in the adoption world. I know many such families like our family. Can things change now? Can there be more help and less condemnation placed on folks who only tried to help?
I'm still fighting bitterness and inner stress, still searching for peace and tranquility, very glad now that I live with a dozen children who know they are safe at this point, who don't fret that mom will get hurt.
Deep breathing right now.
My gardens look right good, they're still producing, I'm reading cool blogs like this one and that one, detailing refinishing or repurposing furniture, or I'm in my vegan world reading up on everything.
I'm slowing evolving into Bita from Mama, and I like it a lot.
Tonight I wanna run watch CJ play baseball, then Allen, Scotty and JoJo have a soccer game.
I'm surprised at how much Jesse misses Georgia and our rural, but way pretty county. There's neither SEC football, nor sweet tea way up in upstate New York where he lives with his lovely family. I've been up there before and found it to be very beautiful as well, but there really is no place like The South.
"I flew out of there wearing a sweater and Danny picks me up at the airport that night wearing shorts," Jesse exclaimed.
Only one of the thousand things I like about the South.
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11 comments:
how come so many of your children join the army?
Is it not against christian belief to kill other people?
Is it not unfair that children who went through so much trauma in their infancy should be the ones who put their lives at stake to protect the US?
Let others do that and help your children find jobs as civilians. They have given enough in their lives!
Wow, I had a comment written to Morton, but then deleted it. I have no idea what to say to someone who accuses a mother of putting her adult children in danger when they rightfully choose their own life paths.
Congratulations, again, Cindy, on all of your pride and happiness during Jesse's visit home, Daniel's wedding, and even in the progress you see in Jojo. Seems like he's had a major lightbulb moment with Jesse. Excellent!
I wasn't offended. My grown kids make their own choices. Some have chosen to defend their country. No one has killed anyone.
I was offended. Being blamed for what I can't control in my children's lives really upsets me. Guess you're used to people making these kinds of comments on your blog, though. My blog is not read, and my posts are not criticized. Maybe that's a good thing?
I still need to get you that Lopez book and the disney books for your friend. I have them in a bag at the house. I won't be directing traffic the rest of this week because I have a double ear infection and was told to stay out of the weather.
I seemed to understand from previous posts that some of the children joined the army in order to obtain college education.
Now, I think that this is not fair. They should be able to go through college without joining the army.
Of course, if they have always dreamed to join the army since they were children, and the question of financing college played no role whatsoever, I withdraw my comment.
By the way: in general, I am quite shocked that it seems impossible to obtain free higher education in the US. I feel that it is deeply unfair and anti-social.
You probably got that impression because Daniel had said something along those lines. But here In Georgia, we have the Hope Scholarship. I BEGGED Daniel not to join, I cried and carried on, but lost the battle, and I'm now glad I lost because he graduated from college and then commissioned into the Army as an officer and he loves it.
Sergi and Jesse joined the Navy before we even knew Iraq was a factor. Jesse served 8 years and still misses it nowadays.
I've put ten kids through college already, we don't need the military to help.
Now JoJo wants to join, he's been saying so for years. I think maybe movies glamorize the military?
I dunno.
I'm a child of the 60s, back in the Vietnam War Protest Era. I never dreamed I'd be the parent of military sons - it was never anywhere on my radar.
But after 9-11 defending one's country became very popular.
And anyone in the U.S. can qualify for all sorts of tuition assistance, the FAFSA is need-based, and there are hundreds of scholarships that go unclaimed. It's a lot of paperwork but I'm willing to do it to get my kids through college if that is their choice
Again, I wasn't offended at all.
Kandy, You missed a WILD night at the park last night. I sure hope you feel better soon, ear infections are terribly painful.
Thank you for your answers. Now, I understand better. I was quite puzzled before.
Of course, I completely agree that one should not keep a child from embrassing a career they want just because it does not fit with one's world view.
I also understand that your children might have some factors that could help them excell in military service, like the fact that they are already used to functionning in larger groups, they might like sports and physical excercise. And I also understand now that not every soldier is a killer, since there are many logistic functions in the army.
I come from a country where university education costs only nominal fees that everyone can afford.
So I am sometimes shocked to hear that in the US, youngsters have to engage in heavy debt in order to get an education. But I am happy to learn that there are programs to get young people through college.
To me, it is critical to maintain university-level-education affordable for everyone. That's one case where I think that Europe should not follow the example of the US...
By the way: your blog is very precious to me and I follow it assidously, not only to learn about life in a large family or about the challenges of early childhood trauma, but also to hear a voice from rural georgia.
This part of your country is completely absent in the newspaper reports we hear about the US over here in Europe, and it is really enriching to learn about the diversity of the US thanks to blogs like yours...
The debt load that some young adults take on is shocking to me. Dave Ramsey is very verbal against it and I agree. I'm from an older generation that worked our butts off to get through college. My siblings and I worked all through college even though our parents paid our tuition and books. We covered our living expenses and graduated debt free.
When i went to college, I had to pay about 1000$ tuition per semester (now, it's a bit less, around 600$), I had a room for 300$ (which was very, very cheap), my parents paid my health insurance (around 120$). Two times, I got a tuition break for excellency during one semester.
So I could get through by working a few hours during terms (I earned around 180$ a week) plus full-time during breaks...
If I had to pay 30'000 a year for tuition, I would never have made it.
To me, very low tuition for university is critical for equal opportunities. And generalized health insurance.
By the way: I also love your writings about money and spending..
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