Hazel's Five

Sarah cooked black bean chili over here last night for us all, celebrating Hazel's fifth birthday already. 

Again with a picture because I wanna show how easy being vegan has been for me, basically all I did was give up cheese.  The sour cream?  Vegan style homemade with olive oil, silken tofu, salt and lime juice.  Sarah made a to-die chocolate vegan cake.

Chuck took my six oldest sons back home with him to watch The Avengers and I toted my worn out, raggedy, bent back upstairs to put the heating pad on its highest setting.

I probably should've read Christianity For Dummies, or something, maybe I should've been put in a special ed Bible class, but it finally dawned on me yesterday, as I struggle with all the complaints around here, all the unrelenting negativity no matter what I feed 'em, no matter what I do for 'em, but really Cindy, isn't Christianity simply about doing for others with no return expectations?  Aren't we taught that even back as kids in Sunday School?    Are you that slow?

To not be negative would then allow themselves to be vulnerable.  Not gonna happen.

Wouldn't it just revolutionize my life to simply be more accepting of the extraordinarily tough behaviors that my kids really have no control over?

Hello?  How long have I been living like this?

My most behaviorally challenged children that still live at home just can't help it.

They just can't.

And even my most bottom of the barrel, minimal expectations might be set too high.

I was thinking 'bout all that as I scrubbed down the kitchen for the birthday party.  No one really is gonna help me, why don't I just accept it and get it done?

I was spoiled many years ago by Deysi, Saray and Marcela, a sibling group who cleaned for therapy just as I weed for therapy.  I'd asked Dr, Mandy to think about blogging, she has so much insight and information that I need from her, once a week just isn't enough.  Her response surprised me.  "It might be therapeutic for me, wouldn't it?"

Uh, yeah, but more so for me.

So for the teenager who was so verbally ugly to me, I'll just disengage, I guess he just can't control this behavior.  I know he can't, and he flat out doesn't understand at all why this is wrong and will get him into trouble, or worse.

Us moms best understand that the brain wiring was irreparably damaged.  It just was.

We should be sad, not mad.

One just spent five minutes telling me I'm a bully because someone else finished off the sour cream. No explanations from me will ever suffice.  I've spent more than 12 years trying to detail how the world works, why one shouldn't be rude to others, nor hit people, why education is important, and that cause and effect actually exists.  Like I said, I've only annoyed them. I've not gotten through at all, not one bit.

My new mode will involve smiling and disengaging, no matter how badly I then get treated as they dig deeper trying to make me react, because then they'll feel justified in acting out on a higher level.  Only 3 out of 12 act like this anyway.

In the time it took me to type that, this particular one amped it up by trying to break Nando's nerf gun.  I had to send Nando off down the hall so I could deal with it.  Deep sigh.  There really are no methods that are very effective in dealing with those suffering from Oppositional Defiant Disorder.

Yolie spent a few minutes last night again repeating to me what she teaches in her PATH classes about attachment and the damage that's been done to severely traumatized children.  You'd think I'd know more by now, but I've spent many years flying by the seat of my pants.

This understanding of severe trauma is a fairly new phenomenon.  It is a tightrope act for the parents, a struggle regarding everything for the children.

Scotty and Nando bought 3 Xbox games for a buck each and I got my new winter sweatshirt, a black one, of course, a UGA one for a buck at a yard sale this morning.  It's the end of the month, our bills are paid, we have groceries, but very little cash available.

I'm meeting the A.P. up at the middle school today on a Saturday as she's giving us all the leftover food from The Big Bash.  The kids are super excited.  I'm grateful.