Three sports physcals this morning at 7 a.m., Nando's soccer pictures at 8:20, his game at nine, Scotty's game at 10:30, yard sales in between, left no time to blog this morning.
I caught one of my kids skipping school yesterday on Senior Skip Day, now grounded, another kid caught not being where he should've been, melting down in self-righteous anger at having his behavior corrected by me.
Knowing I cannot change, and apparently hardly affect this neural pathways blockage, it's nearly pointless to consequence, doing so only makes me feel as if I'm trying to parent those who just can't, don't, nor won't, learn anything.
For me though it all kinda boils down to trust, when I can't trust a word coming out of one's mouth, does it not affect the relationship? The attachment?
Talking recently with another professional who described a person known to us who can not abide life without drama, as if he doesn't feel alive without chaos, the confusion defining him. Otherwise life is boring. Stability is uncomfortable.
I've had kids who like to fight, it gives them such a release, much like I get from hauling wood chips and being productive. Slugging someone is their first go to choice.
Me gently showing them a better way just makes me look completely out of touch with their reality.
So instead of me irritating them by attempting to suggest changes, it's just better if I pour myself into those that respond well to correction and to praise. I've slooooooowly learned I cannot force an issue with some, it's a physical, mental and emotional impossibility. It just is.
And the majority of my children are very, very bonded and easy to parent. I need to remember that.
And to all the other trauma mamas trying to hold their heads above water, I really wanna refer you to Lisa A's blog where she wrote, "During the day my mind was attempting to come up with a plan to help us. Parenting trauma is not for sissies. We know that but........as parents of our kids, we are cratering now. We are needing help now. We are trying to figure out how to put one foot in front of the other and carry on now. Our spouses sometimes don't get it, family/friends don't get it, our kids pee and poop in the most creative places, rage, spit, jump out of moving vehicles, puke on us, perp on other kids, and a host of other behaviors. Yes, I get that it's the emotions coming out but it sure is hard to deal with day in and day out. Plus we have our PTSD to think about as well.
She has a plan, a good one, go read it please.