Ten Days

Apparently pooped from so much socialization, this loner by nature has needed to sleep it off. Or maybe it was because I stayed out too late at the Braves game Friday night. Watching the 9th inning on TV Saturday night, bases loaded by one of the best closers since that season John Smotlz would come charging out of the bullpen, I was nearly biting my nails, something I never ever do, but he pulled it off, by Sunday they'd swept.

I'd gone outside right after church to work, I never ask for help anymore, too tired after so many years of oppositional, rebellious, lazy and mean folks sucking up my food and love, spewing out their rage at their birth parents upon me. My work has become my refuge, a place where I likely won't be bothered.

Imagine my surprise when both JoJo and Allen voluntarily came outside and asked to help me. Oh my goodness, the shock nearly did me in, there goes my already faltering heart.

CW, of course, was mowing, while Tony did more'n his fair share. Lily's been glued to my sde, following me around, eating fresh strawberries the second they turn red. She's still emotionally battered from all those years of being someone's secondary target, Tabby was the primary one. Now with that major threat to their physical and emotional well being in a facility, all of us are learning to trust the atmosphere once again.

I just don't know how to explain how extraordinarily damaging all those years were upon us all, maybe on me most of all, as I struggled every single minute to be the buffer between that one and potential victims.

All 12 of my darlings just had ten very delightful days at home, this morning was a Reluctant Dawdle Fest as no one wanted to return to school, warm weather and a very peaceful time added up to have seduced them into thinking it was already summertime.

I, however, have a huge amount of work facing me. Ten days of constant eating, constant wear and tear on everything, me staying outside over doing housework, I gotta play catch up today, as we're back to the soccer field tonight, every night, until the end of school which is very early, May 19th I believe.

JoJo with a pickax? Boggles the mind doesn't it? He who'd angrily served time in Alternative School in sixth grade for a bladeless weapon, but thankfully learned his lesson. It is heart warming to have made so much progress after so many long, difficult years.

Emotionally troubled children certainly can improve, it's the severely disturbed ones, those with some hefty mental health diagnoses that are grievous, their chances so slim in the big bad world. It's scary to observe, likely scarier to be.

Oh Lord, I just don't understand.