Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Coasting With Loud, Boisterous Kids
Standing in my kitchen this morning, no shirt on and applying stick deodorant to his pits as he asks me for everything under the sun, I pointed out, "If I were doing that you'd puke." Clearly I was referencing the armpit exposure.
"I don't puke," he responded logically, once again totally missing my point and continuing to plaster on the deo for another day of flirting at the high school. He's very handsome.
I don't wanna call this photo my favorite kids, but there's some impressively high IQ featured here. I'd have to add a bunch more favorites that I adore, like 30 something more, but this was taken at Daniel's Engagement Party, and is of Chuck, 32, Yolie, 31, Megan, 24, Daniel, 26, Preston, almost 46, and Sarah, 38.
I didn't realize how much I appreciated silence until everyone went to school yesterday after 10 loud days at home. I worked like a dog, a very happy dog, nearly tail-wagging deliriously, in the gardens, a long, long talk with Vanessa as I weeded, calling me from Alabama, catching me up on things.
Then with gloves on, which I hate, I tackled a bad patch of poison ivy, praying I was covered up enough. Naturally my phone rang, my hair fell in my face, my podcasts ended, I got hungry, my shoe came untied, I was thirsty, I was being texted, I needed to scratch my arm, everything I needed my hands for, but couldn't risk the cross contamination. I never got poison ivy until my 50s, now I'm very sensitive to it, and am only about 30% done eradicating it. Ya gotta yank the roots out and it takes forever.
Mr. Tom, our long patient school bus driver. was out yesterday and a highly intolerant woman took his route, absolutely unable to look over the ten thousand little things JoJo does to annoy folks. She turned the bus around, went back to the high school, called for the principal who's very used to JoJo's shenanigans, telling him to man up. This was all because his leg was out in the aisle and he went Uber Oppositional about it, as he's prone to do.
"I can't move over," he whined, "There's no room," which likely wasn't the case, it was a control issue. I know my son. He was sitting with a girl, showing off.
This is how small our town is, while the kids were at soccer practice, I ran to the pharmacy to get the aggression meds Jojo is clearly out of, the mom of that girl was there and had already heard why her daughter was late getting home from school. The pharmacy is still out of his meds, I hope Mr. Tom's back on his route today. He can, and does, always overlook all the little things, picking his battles wisely. Even the noise of teenagers doesn't bother him at all.
Speaking of which, Lisa's post today was heart-wrenchingly painful to read. But so on target. She's a super smart lady that I've come to adore.
Obviously with me being single, triangulation isn't an issue, nor really was it ever. My second husband just couldn't take the wall-to-wall work, nor the demanding issues of a rebellious new teenager at the time. He was an emotionally weak man who couldn't fathom the kids having issues. Hello? He needed his mommy. She bested me big time. OK, lady, you win. I surrender.
The awesome family, pictured below, that hosted Daniel's engagement party had asked me, like almost everyone does, "Are you wanting to adopt more kids?" My answer remains, "No."
I haven't had any new kids in seven years, my mind was clearly made up 8 years ago when I verbally accepted my last placement. It felt right. I was done. I knew it. They've been great kids.
I'm outta gas, I'm deflated. I have nothing left to give any new kids, most importantly my motivation to ever adopt again is completely gone, I'm happy here finishing up what I started, I would not want to upset the apple cart. I'm coasting now to the finish line.
I'm also buffaloed by the issues nowadays, the severely mentally ill children that should not be placed within families, but are mandated to do so. I know for a fact that there are some children that do much better not in a family situation where the emotional demands, no the emotional courtesy, is just too much, sending those challenged children into murderous rages, folks getting hurt, wrap around services are just not enough. I've been sand-blasted by what we've endured. I say this from many, many years of experience and I stand by that statement.
I listen to the staff at facilities now doing what I tried so hard to do, but they work in shifts, with back up, with professional help, with PRNs available, and they too remain stymied too often.
I've been beaten down and over-criticized by folks who can safely close their eyes at night to sleep. It's been mind-numbingly difficult. The 12 at home now? A piece of cake, even JoJo's oppositionalism, or the cyclothymic disorder of another. The rudeness of teens or the outright rebellion? Still very easy to deal with after so many previously dangerous years.