Wednesday, March 24, 2010
I Got This
The up and down emotions that comprise my life leaves me breathless, after a crappily difficult preceding night, an extremely over-scheduled day followed in which there was very little drama, not too much acting out, just the regular dysregulation, which is predictable, in that it'll all be oppositional, but overall resulted halfway decently by my standards which are obviously kinda low nowadays.
I did holler yesterday, "Y'all can just go right ahead and be unteachable and unreachable and call me up someday and tell me how that worked out for you."
Dead silence in the van as they digested my convoluted statement, then they went right back to fussing about the U17 soccer coach, angry that I'd again taken the side of an authority figure over their own unreasonable demands and wannabe victim mental activities.
I'd stopped in a store, something I rarely, if ever, do, but on Chuy's birthday in November, he'd seen, purchased and eventually broken an inexpensive pair of sunglasses. He wears contacts, as I once did, and I know how badly the sun can be intensified by those tiny discs in one's eyes. Mr. OSS, not Chuy, had a crybaby fit because I wouldn't immediately, out-of-budget, pay for a $24.95 jacket that he set his beady eyes upon.
It's fixing to be summer, I don't pay sticker price, and we don't need any new jackets, take your free unfettered choice of reasons here buddy, but I'd also not budgeted for it. Not gonna happen. I have a lotta mouths to feed.
I do get to go pick up our budgeted-for, cut-rate spay clinic overnighter this morning. I missed the little scamp last night, she truly makes me bust out laughing with her shenanigans. An intelligent, if annoying, terrier mix who picks up on social cues, activities and commands, unlike my hard-headed children.
Just one meeting today, dear Lord, puh-leeze stretch out my time today so I can plant all those strawberry plants and asparagus roots. I'm a fast planter, ignoring a lot of rules, following my usual mimic nature plan, that generally works out just fine. Thankfully I'd worked hard this winter, making new permaculture garden beds, amending the soil, heavily mulching and allowing the earthworms to just do their stuff.
If I never left my property, if I worked 24-7 in and on the house, if I planted and tended to my crops all the time, I'd still never catch up, never be finished, never have accomplished my many, many plans here...and I'm just fine with that, it gives order and meaning to my life outside of my children who rebel against both aspects of life.
Take a deep breath.
I heard on the radio yesterday about this lady, Patrica Star, who'd ridden her bicycle across America at age 68. Just because my children have truly fried me to a frazzle, doesn't mean I can't or won't recover. I'm already working on It. I got this.
You think I don't have massive plans, dreams and goals for my own 60s, 70s, 80s, etc?