Blue Funk

If my internet worked properly, maybe I could blog regularly, but nooooooooo, I'm having to use Grandpa's connection which is a hassle and a half.

I had a wonderful, but way too short amount of time with Paula and 11 of her kids. Her kids acted perfect - while I had to send Teresa, Mayra and Sabrina to their rooms briefly, and Paloma made a total liar out of me as she demonstrated spectacularly good behaviors after almost raging the day before in front of Daniel's girlfriend, Lauren and my neice Lauren.

When Paula left - someone who understand totally - I slumped into a very blue funk.

Kale Girls

Sarah blogged.

Dilute

Yolie took this picture to prove I couldn't cook without everyone surrounding me. Post Party Syndrome setting in, my kids are being awful.

I'm glad Paula will be here soon to dilute their angst.

It's On Them Now, Not Me

In the real world if someone has been exceptionally rude to you, emotionally mistreated you, lied to you, or about you...then a normal reaction would be to avoid that person who seemingly just doesn't like you, right?

I took that tact this year and did not invite kinfolks who've been so negative to me, who acted out against me, or those who've run away from me. I'm giving everyone permission to do so...to leave me out of their raging loop, to not have the pressure from a mother who expects marginally decent behavior, sober-minded thinking and employed grownups.

So we had a very pleasant Thanksgiving...almost...I still live with some haters.

Daniel mentioned, "Well mom, at least you've tried when nobody else was willing to do so," in reference to my dedicated parenting.

"Thanks, Daniel," I beamed, as that really did make me feel better.

He then cracked, "Or maybe you failed where no one else was willing to try to fail."

OK.

At any rate, it does often seem, on many levels, that I've wasted my youth. My sidebar picture doesn't show the many lines that have formed around my eyes in the past three years of tremendous stress and pressure. The picture is only a couple of years old...that's the scary part.

My brothers and I attempted a hike yesterday, only for me to be called back to the house as Paloma was raging. Words cannot describe what faced me when I returned, as she sat in her own vomit of over-eating, blowing snot everywhere, and howling.

I don't even wanna talk about it.

Big Jose called from El Salvador, deep in his own despair as Thanksgiving has always been his favorite family holiday.

We did have a tremendous amount of food and a couple of dishes were new standouts. Sarah'd cooked a Pioneer Woman sweet potato dish that was to die for, Yolie cooked all day for the pumpkin empanadas that I craved, and five turkeys were cooked and eaten (not by me of course).

Two out of four of my nieces are in college now, William and Mary, while Katie Bay (number 1 in her high school class) is headed to college next year. I watch these four over-achievers with envy and awe, Daniel (also an OA) sat and caught up with them, and I had Sarah, Gina, Yolie and Chuck - all UGA grads - which does mean a lot to me. Many of my children do have the brains for college and even those that may not be college material should put out more effort than they've been doing so far. Cristy, also a UGA grad, was with her in-laws.

My first college degree came from an offshoot of William and Mary. "From a modest beginning in 1930 as the Norfolk Division of William and Mary/Virginia Polytechnic Institute, Old Dominion University grew to celebrate its 50th anniversary in 1980 as a vigorous center of teaching, research activity, and community involvement in Eastern Virginia."

Yeah, I used to get out more...

Allen has had two emotional meltdowns that were surprisingly rude and severe. Pepe has been wonderful, as has Teresa, while I sent Sabrina to her room for being non-helpful last night. It takes a lot of work to pull off feeding a large crowd - we still had over 50 folks - and I was glad that some of my lazy ones had not been invited. Was that rude of me? Maybe, but I just can't continue to enable grown folks to be mean, negative and hateful. I'd rather be dis-involved until they change their attitudes.

What if they don't?

Then I know I did what I was supposed to do in raising them. It's on them now, not me.

I had a surporising phone call last night, another mom with some exciting plans for Saturday. Can we pull this off? Heck yeah, it looks like Paula's coming to visit with 11 of her kids. How cool is that?

Ten Thousand Duhs

How does a mop disappear and, more importantly, where does it go? It can’t drive, therefore it likely didn’t leave the property, and so few kids would deign to use it, so it couldn’t have been worn out.

Two simultaneous blood-curdling screams made me leap from my bed only to wonder why on earth, and again, how is this possible, that both JoJo and Paloma were injured by folks opening bedroom doors at the exact same time, in two different room, forcefully forcing someone else into walls? JoJo should have an impressive shiner this morning while Paloma unreasonably wanted me to rewind the events so that she wasn’t a victim. Oh dear, who would you prefer?

I dramatically threatened to cancel Thanksgiving before remembering that I’d basically already done so, eliminating many still-raging kinfolks who couldn’t refrain for just one day from anger, theft, negativity, blatant untruths, sloth, rudeness and all those petty undesirable aspects of potential guests on the premises.

I’ve snapped.

Unconditional love doesn’t define itself as doormat city.

If you can’t be honest with me over everyday events, why even bother talking to me? Save your breath, sugar pie.

If you want to flounce into my house, only addressing the people you aren’t mad at over nothing, why bother coming around? Let’s eliminate the drama.

Why can all of my Yorkies spell the word O-U-T, while Jonathan acts as if I were speaking Arabic?

Teresa had been reprimanded for yet another theft when I’d arrived to pick her up yesterday. “This is an everyday occurrence “I was told apologetically as if I wouldn’t understand the stern faces that met me at the door. I suppressed my Duh, as this was my first meeting with this lady, and I didn’t want to throw her off with an apparent limited vocabulary that would perfectly match my raggedy clothes. We were in such a nice part of Stone Mountain.

But honey, I was driving 230 miles, sitting…an activity that does not appeal to me, stopping at a Starbucks in Macon for the coffee grounds only to have the man tell me, “Sweetie, I just put out seven sacks. Are they all gone?”

Ah heck, I was just glad that the folks in Macon were composting too.

My front yard area looks like a trailer park where alcoholics sling their beer bottles. In our case, the Bubbas toss their socks all around the trampoline, littering like snowflakes, decorating with broken bike parts and busted pieces of toys. No can do boys.

Trash pickup will be a day late due to Thanksgiving ,so our two bins will overflow, but I so insist that the front yard be swept if possible, if only to impress my brothers who truly don’t give a big cahoot anyway.

If time allows, I’d love to slip away with them for the new James Bond movie if it isn’t rated R. My brother-in-law, Kevin, and I’d seen the last one and we were suitable impressed. My brother, Jimbo, as eccentric and silly as me, Gary more serious, but able to easily slip back into brother mode, and Kevin are bringing me my four high-achieving nieces for the holidays. That used to be me as Sarah’s mom.

Several of my other children boosted me over that bar as well while others did their level best to cancel out family accomplishments with devastating consequences for so many of us.

“Will you adopt again?” Pepe’s counselor questioned me yesterday, visibly impressed with Pepe and Chuy’s courteous ‘yes ma’ams’ in response to questions (like Pepe wasn’t there in a lock-down, mental health/DJJ facility?)

“Oh heck no,” I replied, thinking how negative that must now sound to folks who have no clue as to what all I’ve endured. I’m even having a tough time being emotionally supportive of newbies who want to enter into this topsy-turvy world. Cindy, that ain’t right. Get a grip girl.

But I am oh so ready to move on - to get past the many long hard years of adjustment, to not live in such a destructive environment where every screech I hear could indicate potential danger. I want to relax and my personal version of relax translates into back-breaking outdoor home improvement work that I so adore accomplishing, my 100 yard diet and a life of green sustainability with my darling grandchildren nearby.

I still don’t mind the constant cooking, cleaning, and working, but it is the rebellion against all things so decent that deflates my spirit and I have to pump myself back up each morning like a ragdoll.

My friend Merilee, a soldier in the trenches with me stressed, “We wanted so much more for our children than they did.”

Yep, I did not want my kids breaking the law, living in sub-standard living conditions, running away, dropping out of school, hurting others, owing money to people, and demonstrating a complete lack of morals and values. That’s so not how they were raised by me who never, ever let up on these expectations. That’s oh so demoralizing.

So like the prim, but big-mouthed, very strong church lady that I am, I read my Bible each morning for strength and God’s wisdom, and I go on forward, still positively knowing I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing. Period.

Look y’all, all my children, stop trying so hard to make me as unhappy as you seem to be on the inside. Stop hurting your ownselves with your negativity, stop thinking I’m so stupid for my deep and simple faith and maybe look around and see how much that has sustained me through the unimaginable heartache and despair that one takes on when one dares to adopt older children from the system.

Duh, y’all, it works.

Thank you Lord.

My Brothers Are Coming and I wanna use an exclamation mark

Tabby and her friend.

Should've seen this one coming...within two hours of a very changed Pepe being home, Paloma nutted up big-time, attacking people, and snarling and growling like a demon-possessed psycho cat. Pepe tackled her down, "Your turn," suggested Javy who's tired of having to restrain a crazed 11 year old from hurting everyone.

A nice couple from a church was bringing us a box of groceries right after Kimberly and Travis did so, followed by nine turkeys from Mr. Chris who has donated to our family for years. Again Preston will fry some, Grandma will oven cook some birds, or whatever you call what she does, I'll start in on the casseroles, salads, rice and rolls and maybe a quiche or two while Carolina, Yolie and Sarah do the rest.

But through all this, Paloma was raging in a back bedroom, spitting out angry words, making herself vomit on her brother's shoes, and reminding me of the scene I never saw in The Exorcist as I was pregnant with Sarah that year, but I read the book.

That's very similar to what a raging child looks like. Ka-RAZY.

Pepe prevented her from breaking a window or biting him, but it took two hours.

My friend Merilee reminded me of what I'd tried not to think about...Holiday Hell....here it comes, but I'm gonna remain oblivious to the bullspit around me. I'm not going to sit around patiently and wait for her head to spin counter-clockwise.

Y'all I plan on having a good time because my brothers are coming tomorrow.

What a Week

Asked how I managed to hold a job and take care of the 30 kids I had back then...you just gotta do what you gotta do. I never had 30 kids home at once, this has been a very long 35 years parenting journey. It was very, very hard for me to maintain a career and tend to my kids but we needed the money. Duh. I sure used all my sick days and felt emotionally torn 24-7, frazzled, pressed down and stressed out certainly, but I learned what I needed to learn through that part of my journey.

Learning even more nowadays about my own emotional and spiritual growth, I'd confided in my long-distance imaginary friend that likely it's taken 39 kids to chisel me into who God wants me to be, heavenly sandpaper and all that.

A call late last night, some guy complaining about one of my grown kids not returning a car he'd let them borrow. "Don't let dishonest folks borrow your vehicle," I'd advised, as this guy claimed my kid needed to borrow it to come visit us, yet I'd not seen this kid in a week or so. Liar, liar, pants on fire.

230 miles round trip, but Pepe and Teresa are home for the week...

Mayra and Her Friend

When my fifth bag of rice, that I was hoisting upon the check-out counter, demonstrated its leak, I dramatically sighed with the utter pointlessness of my hurrying to catch up for nothing - spinning my wheels pointlessly in the sand. A sweet lady behind me offered to run get me another bag, but I gratefully let her off the hook as four would suffice. When I smiled at her she told me, "if you can smile until 10 each morning, you'll make it through the day."

Good to know, as I glanced at the time...what a co-incidence (with God) that it was 10 exactly.

Cell phone ringing from schools, kids acting sick, trying to come home, and I was doing my level best to get the food items as it seemed each kid needed for the two days at school this week. Sprite and skittles...makes my stomach turn.

Tomorrow I need to be in Macon by 10 a.m and then up to Stone Mtn, plus back home by 3 when the school bus gets here...only IF I can get Jonathan and Paloma on the right track of cooperation, which I know from dreary experience, that they melt down in response to tight schedules and plans that I need to make.

At Wal-Mart early this morning I ran into a woman I'd worked with at one time for 13 years. She looked as fabulous as she looked 20 years ago when I'd first met her. Pam and I spent several minutes catching up and I was reminded of a normal life for a few seconds there. Dadgum her oldest son is now working on his Phd. Wow, that really does impress me bigtime. I wish.

Chuy, now at Big Mama Boot Camp (OSS) and I are going to put a ton of leaves that was given to us, out in the ugly greenhouse with a rooster and three hens to scratch and poop on, eventually giving me nitrogen rich soil conditioner to rake up and add to my pretty greenhouse. That'll keep this goofy grin on my face as will the rain that is falling right now. There's nothing better than greenhouse time when the rain is falling.

Paloma is home, acting mean, hateful and threatening to everyone yet again, while, to my surprise, Jonathan made it to school.

Life goes on...

Hardly 48 more hours though until I get to see my brothers and brother-in-law, four nieces and my sister-in-law as well...I'm so excited.

A Fence

Monica and Alana, Cristy and Lily - four beautiful girls that a woman my age in Texas is not able to enjoy. That bothers me of course, I've seen way too many adopted children return to birth families, usually with disastrous results and this too has happened in our family over the years. I'll never be able to shake the commiserating feelings of loss, the fact that adoption springs from an initial grief. No wonder there's so many problems to work through for so many, many years.

Cristy and Monica's mom found us, came here, and the relationship imploded between she and Cristy. The other three siblings refused any part of a reunion and later a birth sister showed up which turned out to be a very happy occasion.

I'm raising Cristy's children but we're very blessed because Cristy is involved. She set up the parameters, we've squabbled over the years, but she graduated from college, married well and bought a house (pictured below)...things she could not have done, way back then, when the first of three children, and she was a very struggling 19 year old.

I say this aloud to a friend of mine in much the same situation, a grandma/mama with older adopted children in contact with birth parents. I once thought it'd devastate me, but it turned out to not be so. I suppose I was initially kind of mad, an 'aren't I good enough for you' unspoken question, ideas roiling in my head about a bona fide lack of appreciation, but as the events unfolded, it always seemed to be a blessing in disguise...even though it appeared bleak at the time.

Yolie's birth mom alarmed me when she reappeared in our lives five or six years ago. I swallowed my huge fears and accompanied two out of three of the kids to see her for the first time in 12 or so years. One son fell apart for months, Yolie cried for six months in my living room, but has since emotionally moved on. Thankfully it was before her children were born. Yolie's older birth sister is still very involved but she's adorable and loving and I'm happy that she and Yolie have that connection.

So many of my older children have now been MY children way far longer than they were with their birth parents. So many life events here, so much family, and so much water under the bridge that former lives seem to be events that happened to someone else.

I know my younger children will all face these hurdles, obstacles, rites of passages or whatever you want to call it, I'll gird myself for more of the same, holding the thought in my pea brain, that God knew everything that is or was or will happen to us...that which He allows is that which we'll walk through together.

This afternoon, after a great church service that I initially didn't want to go to as it was about marriage, but turned out to be more about healing and being who God wants us to be, I decided He wanted me to be a fence builder today.

The boys and I, Javy, CW, Chuy, Allen, Martin, JoJo, Jonathan and Scotty along with my friend Emily's teenager, Marcus, worked quickly and got about 150 feet fenced in for the grandkids and the Yorkies to play without any thought of wandering off into the surrounding woods. We pissed off the three footed terrier, Amelia, who loved to fly off deep into the woods, always returning, but the Yorkies are less adventurous, wanting boundaries and not to have to deal with my older, grumpier yard dogs.

That Makes Sense To Me

I can't respond to comments, or hardly answer emails, until I work out the kinks AGAIN with Charter. My laptop is over at Grandpa's house so I can blog, but the rest will have to wait.

My credit cards anathema is being picked up upon by those who pay off their credit cards each month. Have at it y'all, I'm impressed by this, by your self-discipline, it's the debt-ridden ones that worry me so much and, at my age, I've seen too many people swallowed up by this quicksand trap of debt.

It is cold here. Too cold for a sissy like me to go outside and do all that needs to be done. Why doesn’t HGTV wait until now to show all their gardening shows that gardening folks are too busy to watch during the season? I don’t want to see Christmas decoration shows, I want farming adventures and landscape challenges.

I know that I radically swim upstream all the time, going against the flow and tide, bucking the system or at least the norm. But the norm rarely makes sense to me. I gotta buck. If it makes me weird, so what? Like 39 kids doesn't?

I love Claudia’s post today. Honey, I totally understand.

I got called out of Sarah’s celebratory birthday lunch yesterday by a familiar voice, the assistant principal at the middle school who has my cell on speed dial. A kid at school had a bunch of Coriciden pills and gave one to Chuy. A girl tattled that Chuy had a “drug” and I deeply appreciate Little Miss Narc. Her grandpa is a dear friend of mine as is the entire maternal side of her very large family.

Chuy got suspended for two days next week for this. Even an over the counter medicine is prohibited without a signed note in the clinic. Chuy’d tossed the pill; he won’t even take aspirin here if he has a headache. I could have been a big ole butt about it and hollered that no faculty member witnessed this, but why would I buck a system that definitely means well here? Chuy honestly admitted that he’d had the pill, even though he’d not been seen by an adult while possessing it. Because he was honest, I’m gonna go easier on him, but I’m disappointed that he slammed a school door in anger.

Sarah and I swung by a yard sale and for just $10 I bought 18 spoons, a spatula, kitchen tongs, two knives, a pyrex and a corning dish, 6 books, a waffle iron, a plastic saw toy for Ray and four garden motif coffee mugs. My friend Amy emailed me last night, questioning my yard sale secrets, of which I have none. I just look at the newspaper and only go to the rich neighborhoods carrying a stash of one dollar bills. People basically just want this junk outta their houses so they can buy more and I’m happy to oblige.

The local newspaper in the nearest big town had a photo of my four kids, Sabrina, Chuy, CW and Allen, who’d won the U14 League Championship. How cool is that? Positive attention for us, for once, versus the police report.

A pink Christmas cactus is blooming, making me smile and I have a pile of leaves to spread over my elephant ears that are miserable and dormant in this cold. I’ll dump Starbucks coffee grounds on top, layered later with wood chips and manure, knowing that spring will be here soon enough, and I’ll have enriched the soil that feeds my gorgeous plants that so satisfy my soul. That makes sense to me.

And how 'bout Rachel passing the bar exam? Many, many congratulations out there in California.

Plasectomies

"I'm going to walk up there with you to face the judge," I had to insist to my daughter, "but I won't say anything. I don't approve of this situation, but I love you."

"OK," still mortified.

The judge was the same guy another son of mine faced in traffic court and had to explain why he had a black eye courtesy of Big Joe, just as Jonathan went to school today with scratches on his face from Paloma who has also attacked Mauri and Scotty this week.

The judge didn't address me at all, but he did sweetly suspend her fines, still leaving her with well-deserved court costs and probation fees. If she stays out of trouble, and I do believe that she will, this will be a first offense status, leaving no marks on her record, other than two points against her driver's license which will increase her automobile insurance rates. I explained this concept of natural consequences for, quite likely, the trillionth time in my parenting career.

Sarah turns 35 today...that's a long, long time I've been parenting. She's a great kid and if she were my only claim to fame, I'd be proud and happy. Fortunately several other children have made me very, very proud, kind of to counter, to offset the debilitating failures of some others.

What I can't stomach is Jojo using my deodorant. Gross, son...is nothing my own?

Tabby asked for a specific doll for her birthday. I, of course, got it wrong...something about a hairy-legged Dora?

"No, Mom," she hollered, "A Dora that grows hair."

Brenda commented on how she properly uses credit cards. Sarah and I have both gone back and forth about that as another very brilliant hero, Clark Howard, in the early days of debit cards, insisted a credit card offered better consumer protection.

Dave Ramsey now claims, "Visa's regulations require the member bank to afford the debit card the exact same protection in cases of theft or fraud."

Visa's web site claims, "Visa's Zero Liability policy means 100% protection for you." And explains more.

This Zero Liability policy took effect April 4, 2000 and it is a great improvement on the previous policy. Ramsey uses his debit card while traveling and making car and hotel reservations.

He goes on, "Have you ever asked why they work so hard to get you involved? The answer is they win, you lose. 75% of airline miles are never redeemed. A study by Dunn and Bradstreet showed that credit card users spend 12 to 18% more when using credit instead of cash. An American Bankruptcy Institute study of bankruptcy filers reveals that 69% of filers say credit card debt caused the bankruptcy. Broke people use credit cards."

Brenda, like me, pays it off each month if or when using it. I know it can be done. I know she's in the very small percentage that redeems airline miles. That's a good thing. And all y'all can do what you want to anyway, you're grown. I'm only babbling about what I'll do.

I just don't want my children to ever think credit cards are necessary, as most of my impulsive children, like much of America, wouldn't be able to not overspend.

I think I only have two credit cards anyway, both are locked away somewhere, but I need to commit plasectomy and I will.

I'd rather they learn to live beneath their means. That said, I also don't really see my kids paying that much attention to me anyway. I might as well bark at the moon.

But I'm finding, decades later, that some successful children truly have taken heed of my unoriginal words.

Rational Simplicity

At my age, waking up automatically at 4:30 means getting up. There’s no turning over, relaxing and sleeping when one’s mind is racing with either excitement, anxiety, worry or just thoughts, plans and ideas. Ya just gotta get up, which I did, only to discover the new cable modem not working. It gave out yesterday afternoon, six hours after Charter came, much to my utter frustration.
Like life isn’t difficult enough with the demands of 39?

Fortunately I can step into my parent's side of the house and log into their network. Unfortunately this means the kids can't, as their computers aren't lap tops so homework can be a bear lately.

I have Allen home with me in Big Mama Boot Camp for a few days as he's been disruptive at school, rude to his teachers, sullen and defiant, and that's not an attractive sight. His similarly oppositional birth brother, JoJo, is somehow staying on the correct side of the line, getting more academic work done, reading a lot, and maintaining at school, saving his emotional demands for me. Stinking like a wet sock in the gym, I'd asked him about 20 times to take off that polyester odor trap, jump in the shower and use deodorant before church youth group which he did... eventually.

Today Allen's accompanying me on a field trip to court with a grown kid in which we'll not participate, only offer emotional support from the sidelines. Not proud of what she's done, but loving her still through it. "Mom it's embarrassing to have Allen see this," she'd protested.

"It's embarrassing for the entire county to read it in the police report," I'd squalled unreasonably. "Maybe Allen can learn something?"

"You might be right," she demurred.

Ms. Carr's still teaching a Garden Earth class even though she's retired, and Scotty is still a part of this, an extremely important factor in our lives as she's continued her involvement in Scotty's life. A high-anxiety child, he really needed this, and she brings him home afterward, yesterday inadvertently witnessing us undergo yet another crushing blow from a grown kid's heartbreak that trickled down and affected us all. Likely, after years with us, we've traumatized her now.

With no internet last night, I quickly read Rational Simplicity, nodding my head aerobically as I agreed with every single principle he'd expounded upon. Recommended from this site, Hugh Chou's Financial Page, from which I've often extracted mathematical calculations to help me plan better, I'd call it must reading as well.

Why do I have to read so many books on the same subject? Maybe I'm a slow learner, maybe because it's so enjoyable for me, or maybe it's just for the reinforcing of principles that I deeply believe even though some of them appear so counter to society's way.

Albert Einstein claims, "Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocre minds."

Dave Ramsey has had his share of much unwarranted criticism over his 'cash is king, debt is dumb' philosophy as he's absolutely upsetting the materialistic atmosphere, the buying what you can't afford to impress folks you don't even know or like pressure of life.

In Dr. Tom Stanley's excellent book The Millionaire Next Door, (link explains 20 things to not do) he discovered that the typical millionaire "found infinitely more motivation from the goal of financial security than from what friends and family thought. The need for approval and respect from others based on what they owned was virtually nonexistent."

Am I just trying to justify my own lack of shopping? Or my laughable wardrobe? Or can I use these thoughts to help my children not fall into a lifetime of pressure related insurmountable debts on depreciating items?

I talked a long time yesterday with Cristy who's finished college, married well and bought a house. She's come a long, long way from a foster child in Texas with diagnosed issues, siblings and a family background of severe emotional issues. Eighteen years of my big mouth echoing in her head, she acknowledged that my words often popped into her mind as she makes work and financial decisions.

Good to know.

And Sarah has blogged.

Decimating Credit Cards

Loudly proclaiming, “I don’t use credit,” sometimes sets negative wheels in motion, the Devil attacks, and everything breaks. Kind of a ‘what’re ya gonna do now moment?’ Put your money where your mouth is girlfriend.

To me that only means a challenge, a faith walk in action, and I hit the ground running, trying to figure out Plans B, C and D. I’m always in the midst of something, good or bad, and I rarely blog about a situation until I’ve worked it through. Confiding in someone yesterday, she remarked, “Oh, you hadn’t mentioned it again, I wondered if you’d changed your mind.”

Nope. But I have to pray and plan, wait until I’m certain I’ve heard from God, often a difficult concept as I’m literally afraid to accidentally go against God, so often I wait longer than I should, just to be 100% certain, or when in doubt, just don’t do it. Hang back until positive before stepping out in faith - hey, it works for me.

So one thing I’ve been praying and and working towards, might just be a possibility, but in the meantime, as I plunged a very nasty toilet last night, (a metal race car under turds) reluctant to find a plumber, cell phone on the counter as I called Charter No Communications, and argued about a broken cable modem that Daniel later informed me I was unknowingly paying $5 a month to rent, “Mom, you can buy a decent one for $50,”… I still had to help 20 kids get their homework done, nearly all internet research which meant taking turns on Grandpa’s AT&T connection. It took HOURS of running between Grandpa's computer and my printer that had the color cartridge.

Waking up at 5:30, praying that Daniel was warm during his 5:15 a.m. Army PT on campus, I came downstairs to no internet, only half believing that Charter would show up this morning as promised.

Eating my words now because an excellent technician showed up at 9 and fixed everything. (An aside to Daniel - the modem was 6-7 years old, so say 66 months times $5...OUCH...and he said we need two modems to run more than five computers plus he took that other receiver back for me which saved another $5 a month and I can upgrade to 16 speed - we now have 10, right?)

BUT, I’m finally reading The Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey and I gotta say, it is MUST READING for every man, woman and child on this planet, as he totally debunks all the bullcrap myths that consumers have been fed by banks and credit companies that have gotten enormously wealthy on middle class debt misery.

I’m going to quote the tar out of this book as I’ve been highlighting nearly everything. Many of my grown kids read this blog and will be shaking their heads at the ‘I told you so,’ tone that they know is sure to come.

Thank GOD my parents brought me up like they did, instilling in me a no debt, live beneath one’s means mentality. This has been easy for me,as I’ve done it my entire life, but I can certainly understand how tough it must be for others. I’m just blessed apparently in this realm.

My mom claims she has no material wants, only a large, full checkbook for security.

A recent commenter, Our Journey, mentioned she’s reading The Millionaire Next Door, another of my very favorite books, another must read as simply put, these folks made their millions by the above philosophy of no debt, live beneath ones means and invest the excess.

Edgar wanted me to cosign on a car a couple of years ago when he had the best job he ever lost. I told him no as I learned from Larry Burkett that cosigning was unbiblical. Thank God as Edgar was soon fired for his own no-shows and tardies and I would have been stuck with his payments. I won’t loan money, I’ll give it with little expectation of repayment as I recently had to do yet again. I won’t give any that I couldn’t afford to lose.

I’ll italicize Dave Ramsey’s points that I’m chewing on today: Winning at money is 80 percent behavior and 20 percent knowledge, these money issues involve a series of prices that must be paid to win. All winners pay a price to win. 90% of people in our culture buy things they can’t afford. 80% of graduating college seniors have credit card debt – before they even have a job. You are where you are right now financially as a sum total of the decisions you’ve made to this point.”

Lily needed a coca-cola and mentos to make her volcano explode, she’d seen last year’s sixth graders do this. Would you believe I didn’t even know what a mentos is?I had to run her to the country grocery store this morning after I drove everyone else to school and see if I could find these two items.

“Hey Cindy,” the cashier chirped when I walked in and I was immediately mortified that I’d soon be seen purchasing a coke. Using good money to buy chemicals, how wasteful. I even had to ask Miss Linda there, where they kept mentos. How embarrassing.

A couple of dollars down the toilet. But it has been the watching pennies that has allowed me to raise so many children, be debt free, put folks through college, own a lot of land, tithe faithfully, and stay within our budget as often as possible - yeah I've made some goober financial mistakes over the years. I fell for the car fleece (lease) once, I've had to make car payments at times and I've used credit cards. I still have credit cards that I plan to decimate, but I haven't used them in a very, very, very long time. I sound self-righteous as crap, but honey this debt-free except the house is a great place to be.

I love, love, love a debit card, that's for sure.

Seven Birthdays in Seven Days

Chuck (29), Alex (19), Chuy (13), Mayra (15), Sarah (35), Big Jose (35) and Tabby will be six on Saturday...all within a week.

I went to check Chuy and Mayra out of school for a Big Mama Lunch Date at Subway.

"What's Chuy's real name?" I was asked at the middle school from which I'd retired.

"Ellis Jesus," I replied - (Yes to the Ellis family. He's named in honor of y'all, especially Kevin.)

"What's Mayra's real name?" she asked quizzically as she couldn't find her on the computer and I'd already signed her out on the ledger.

I looked up confused. Her name is Mayra Ellen (after my sister Ellen Ellis). We call her Mayra. I stared blankly at the lady unable to come up with an alternative name.

Then it dawned on me.

OOPS.

Wrong school, Mayra went on to ninth grade at the high school this year. I cracked up laughing and about that time CW walked into the office. My kids have an uncanny radar. If I'm in the vicinity, they'll find me.

"What's so funny Mom?"

I told him what I'd done. "Ha!" he hooted, "I'm gonna tell everyone," and he ran off down the hall.

After birthday lunch dates, I take them shopping at some expensive, exclusive and elegant department store (Wal-Mart) and they're happy, plus I got to haul in more groceries while out, got Gina set up in a situation, scored big at Starbucks for their used coffee grinds, scrubbed my upstairs bedroom and am repotting plants. I was totally out of potting soil at 10 p.m. last night until 2 p.m. today - maybe the longest amount of time I've ever gone without potting soil in my life.

I had to bring a rather disruptive Allen home from school, he'll get a few days of Grounded to a Grownup, but being Edgar's birth brother, he doesn't mind the punishment at all. I do however, being the grownup who also got grounded - colateral damage.

Dancing With Dear Kirby

Is it cold weather that makes my internet not work until nine this morning? Or is it my jerry-rigged connections? Temperamental as my children, it would appear, but at least that means one less distraction early in the morning when I get my quiet time.

Lily got up barfing, sitting on the couch now, moaning and groaning, she's always had a flair for drama. I get it, honey, you're sick.

Jonathan, of course, turned dark as night this morning, his face slamming shut, emotions crashed, home again, home again, jiggety jig. Whatever. I am so bored with this. And I'm bored with the food hoarding and stealing issues but comforted by the words of another, "I thank God because it was I who was robbed and not I who robbed."

Conversely Paloma, up on time, hair brushed, wearing nice clothes danced out the door to school with nary a thought, this after nonstop bickering last night with Chuy and Jonathan, her two birth sibs, who eventually walked away from her in disgust. "You're a bug-eyed psycho moron," Chuy pronounced, as I hollered, "No name calling boy."

Dr. Mandy had given them a Monopoly game, not knowing in our world that this equates into fist fights.

I've been using Grandpa's ancient Mongo Kirby like I'd never seen a vacuum before in my life. Figuratively cleaning out the cobwebs? Literally trying to improve my surface life via deep cleaning? Daniel walked in the house last night, first asking me, "Why are you wearing orange?"

I wasn't. It was a peach colored sweatshirt I'd gotten from a bag, my UGA sweatshirt was in the wash, apparently the Florida loss still smarting. Second question, "What'd ya do with all the pictures?" as my dining room is now next to naked.

I just need to make some positive changes. I have pictures of Daniel all over my house, framed sports pictures and Army pictures, and I beam with pride whenever I see them.

The other grown kids who want to start stuff with me? I'm just not interested. I don't like confrontations, especially these imaginary ones over nothing, so I'm moving on in my life, concentrating on those children who want me to be involved, those who need me in their lives, those who make me smile everytime I see them, like Daniel, or Monica, Yolie, Sarah, Carolina, Gina, Cristy and others.

One who has SSI, and very deservedly so, is making extremely decent choices now for the past several months, we talked a couple of times this week and I've been effusive in my compliments...indeed she's doing better than some of my other children who are grown and better educated, but can't pay their cell phone bills, keep a job, or an apartment for any length of time, constantly alienating those who they come into contact with predictably. Eight jobs in one year? You're always the victim? I don't think so.

My house plants have been neglected severely as my time constraints have been phenomenal, but lately I've had extra minutes to dote on them, even the large Christmas cactus that somehow crashed to the kitchen floor by Not Me. Probably a $50 pot that broke, but we all know I likely bought it for buck at a yard sale.

And in my ever increasing desire to turn a cesspool into a garden...my traumatized, beat down house into a cottage industry of delights, I'll roar through like a locomotive, washing clothes, hauling in more groceries, filling my truck with recyclables from the weekend, painting, planning, doing projects that give me joy and educating these darlings of mine.

Nando's spelling grade was up and I bragged on him to him all morning. "That's what I love to see son," I crowed, guzzling my coffee, looking out the window to see my hen, Houdini, escape yet again. Dadgum, I should've emptied those leaves in the Ugly Greenhouse where the rooster and other hens could've scratched, but I swear I see my Japanese Maple smiling this morning with two feet of bountiful leaves stacked around its feet, corralling Friday night's rain where it can satiate its thirst via strong roots due to massive dumps of manure.

But I gotta go chase Houdini yet again...

Beans Again

I'm blessed enormously on several levels by the people in my life. I have some wonderful sons-in-law, great kids (for the most part), good friends and a sense of positive emotional well-being overall, which has served me well and kept me off of high cliffs and away from pharmacies during times of despair.

I'm cracking up at Linda B getting stuck with my Tony today at church, actually he's been asking about her ever since we got home, promising to remember her in his prayers. How cool is that?

I have two emails to answer from former youth group kids from the 80s, now grown women with families of their own, I got to see Cass and Ben at church today, to sit with Susan in Sunday School, and to come home to fairly peaceful kids. It doesn't take too much to amp up a low-maintenance goofball like me, Lord have mercy, I want to be happy, therefore it's so.

I had to abruptly leave Sunday School when I heard a monsterous crash overhead where the middle schoolers are taught by a local psychologist. Sure that Allen and JoJo were continuing their fist fight tussle from the past three days, I flew upstairs positive I'd have to yank them apart. But hey, get this...none of my kids were involved. Another kid, someone's birth child, had jumped on a table and sent it crashing to the floor.

The kids videotaped or DVRd, whatever you call it, Larry the Cable Guy, who I have a royal crush on, just kidding, maybe not, maybe so, but they're rewinding the fart scenes over and over, and I can't help but to bust out laughing each time.

Which reminds me, I've had several emails about recipes, and/or cooking beans, and I'm so completely unimaginative I don't really know what to say. Heck I just slop the hogs overall. Soak beans over night, whatever kind you want, add peppers, garlic, spices and onions plus cook two sacks of brown rice (usually) and go from there. We add corn when it's red beans night plus cornbread in a big black skillet if I have time.

Down in Costa Rica I learned to fry an egg and top the black beans and rice with it, but I don't always have time. I always cook a ton of pinto beans, grinding them up in a food processor with water and more spices to make a paste and then we use it in burritos, tostadoes, tacos, enchilladas, nachos or whatever we want that week. We add so much salsas, sauces, veggies and sourcream plus cheese to individualize each person's plate to their tasting.

I'm also surprised at the number of responses I'd gotten on my self-indulgent Dave Ramsey post. But dadgum, he's such a genius.

Since I'd run the tread off my last decade's houseshoes, somehow my Mother came through for me, showing up with black deerfoams in the exact right size, putting me into blissfulness this afternoon and a friend brought me a ton of bagged up leaves that I've carefully decided will go on two front beds in the Welcome Garden area around my elephant leaves, Japanese maple and cannas that haven't succumbed yet to winter. It rained hard Friday night so I can now trap that moisture with these leaves - putting yet another goofy grin on my face.

Cheap Uncluttering

Oh my goodness! What a great idea. But I'm not going to pay $15 for this itty bitty thing. Heck I could get a new sofa at that price at the next yard sale. Why not just hang a small canvas bag there? Same principle and I just pocketed $15.

Too often de-cluttering or organization requires an unnecessary expense that seemingly defeats the original purpose.

And from the Harvard Business School: "Watch out for a new brand of consumer in 2008: the middle-aged Simplifier.

She finds herself surrounded by too much stuff acquired. She is increasingly skeptical in the face of a financial meltdown that it was all worth the effort. Out will go luxury purchases, conspicuous consumption, and a trophy culture." Great article.

Dog, they pegged ME.

If You Can't Be Nice...

Babies napping through the noise at my house, it can be done.

Mrs. Parker told me that Allen had been leaving his collar shirt in his locker rather than wearing it, preferring the disheveled appearance of a T-shirt. I'm funny about this, I know that my kids can be disruptive, or worse, failing at school, but I do not want them unkempt. Call me old-fashioned, it'd be better than what some of them were thinking. Thankfully the teachers inform me of these failures to perform to Big Mama's expectations.

"Why mom?" Allen wailed at me when he lost his Friday night computer time and I explained for the billionth time that we, as a family, needed to make a massive effort each day, to appear decent, normal and well cared for. We may statistically fall below the poverty level, but we don't have to look like it.

Another of mom's stupid rules is no air fresheners. I'd a heap rather smell teenage boys stinking feet than chemicals that damage brain cells. "AIR FRESHENERS: Most air fresheners interfere with your ability to smell by coating your nasal passages with an oil film, or by releasing a nerve deadening agent. Known toxic chemicals found in an air freshener: Formaldehyde: Highly toxic, known carcinogen. Phenol: When phenol touches your skin it can cause it to swell, burn, peel, and break out in hives. Can cause cold sweats,convulsions, circulatory collapse, coma and even death."

Even if I were a wealthy woman, I would not splurge and skip cooking dinner. Feed my children fast food hamburgers? "In an interview, Jahren, who is a geobiologist and professor at the University of Hawaii, even suggested that the nitrogen isotopic signatures found in meat products were so high that they were consistent with environments where animals had consumed their own waste." That gagging sound you hear is me.

It's not just a Mexican thing, I, too, crave my weekly large dose of pinto beans laden with garlic and chili powders. Last night, on tostadoes piled high with everything but the kitchen sink, I remarked I'd much rather be eating there at home with my delightful family while a thunderstorm raged outside, than any high dollar Mexican Restaurant. There I was feeding about 25 people for hardly the cost of beans and tostado shells, no one was squabbling, instead gobbling their dinner with delight and complimenting me as they often do after completely stuffing themselves.

Sarah later called me to inform me she'd recently been told that our favorite local Mexican Restaurant, Agua Linda, cooks its white rice in chicken stock and its beans in lard. Oh puhleeze, say it ain't so. Even when my kids are grown, I'll undoubtedly cook me a pound a week of pintos for my own dining pleasure.

And who still eats white rice anyway? Like wonder bread...it hasn't been banned yet? Gross. No wonder IQs are falling across the board. Ya think this is linked to high dropout rates? Am I full of conspiracy theories? A nut job now? Maybe so.

Bottom line, if you eat real food, you can eat a lot of it and be slim, healthy and energetic. Food is fuel. Hey, in spite of everything you couldn't begin to imagine (unless your name was Merilee, Sharon, Misty, Paula, Pat, Tina, Amanda, etc,) I'm still going 90 miles an hour uphill in a debilitating storm and it isn't just the coffee.

My little stinker, Pepe, in a Juvenile Justice confinement, working his program is now homesick. Yep, the same guy who knocked me into next week last year, bruising and frightening me. I take his phone calls, I speak hesitantly to him, now I'm the untrusting soul. "I love you Mom," he tells me, while I think inwardly that he has a funny way of expressing it.

I don't talk about it much here, as my blogging time is limited, but some of the phone calls, letters, emails and reaching out that I get from some severely troubled grown kids, now raging against society, is unusual to say the least. Like an 'I told you so' would matter at this point?

My brothers and their families are coming for Thanksgiving and I've reeled in my usual celebration plans, bone-tired of the drama, bone-headed problems and negativity that some of my grown kids think is their birthright to dump on us unsuspecting celebrants. This year...a non-Thanksgiving, I'll explain later, or describe its aftermath, but this will be a No Dump Zone, by invitation only if you will, my kids still at home deserve a drama free day as do my grandchildren.

I simply can't continue to absorb their bitterness, to be the human punching bag for what their birth parents did to them. I love them all deeply, but it's time for many of them to grow up fast. Go get therapy or simply think it through. I took care of you when others wouldn't. I expect no payback other than decent behavior and YOU becoming a success for YOU.

If you can't be nice to me, then just stay away from me until you can do so. I will not force my presence upon you. I won't come to your house uninvited and rage or be rude. Duh.

You May Be A Dave Ramsey Fan If............

This is a very long, copied and unoriginal to me post but if you have money problems, issues or challenges or if you want to succeeed on any level in your finances, then this is your guy...

YOU MAY BE A DAVE RAMSEY FAN IF…

...the value of your car doubles every time you fill the gas tank!

…you buy a soda and immediately start calculating how much money you would have in 30 years if you had put that $1.00 into a Roth IRA.

…you walk around with money in your wallet.

…you see a guy driving a 15 year old car and you think, I wonder if he would sell it to me

...you know 15 different recipes for rice and beans.

…the voice in your head now has a southern accent, and you are from the Northeast, from listening to DR so much throughout the day!

…you discover that you have a Little Dave in your head.

...someone says you are weird, and you say 'thank you!'

...the alarm on your watch reminds you to balance your checkbook....every day.

…you only have pity for someone when you observe the latest vehicle purchase, furniture purchase, house rehab, ... made in effort to keep up with the joneses.

…you had 4 very successful yards sales and you can still find things to sell.

…the bumper sticker on the back of your car reads: "My other car actually has a hood!"

…your automatic response to the phrase "Mom, I want..." is "Save up!"

...you count late fees from the library as an addition to your debt snowball.

...you call your spouse excitedly to tell him/her you have saved up enough in the emergency account to get old junker worked on (including replacing the windshield wipers).

…it pains you to pull out your credit card and you hear Dave's voice telling you, "Does it look like I have stupid on my forehead?."

…you start using your unsolicited credit applications as tinder for your fireplace.

…you respond "better than I deserve" every time someone asks you how you're doing.

…you start a sentence with "Well, Dave says..." and your friends just roll their eyes and walk away.

…the guy who works at Quik-Trip makes fun of you for putting cash your QT Gas Card every week instead of just using your debit card.

…someone looks at you weird when you tell them you ONLY pay cash and actually GET cash out of the bank every payday.

…you see someone in a BMW, and think "moron is fleecing it I bet".

…you scrape the soap scum off of the side of your tub to make a "new" bar.

…your wife makes you take off your socks; but not your orange wristband!

…you walk down a row of cars at the mall and wonder how many might be paid for.

…your teenagers ask if Dave will let us get take-out pizza on the week-end, and our reply is Dave would want us to make home made pizza instead.

…you count out the slices of ham to see if they will last the
week's lunches.

…you make your kid's grilled cheese sandwich with only 1/2 a slice of cheese.

...you say, "Because Dave said so," every time your kids ask why they have to eat beans and rice again.

…an acquaintance calls your house and asks to speak with your husband Dave.

…you scream, "NO!" in the checkout line after seeing someone pull out their credit card to pay for their groceries.

…grandma asks you what Johnny wants for his birthday/Christmas and you reply, "Actually, any donation amount to his ESP would be fine." Even better when you immediately hand her a pre-printed piece of paper with his account information.

…you scream "NOOO! DON'T DO IT! when you see the people about to do a debt CONsolidation on a TV commercial.

…you rinse out a sandwich bag for reuse.

…you think "I wonder if there's a way to reuse toilet paper."

…your children run and hide in a panic when you ask them "I wonder what I can sell on Ebay Now?"

…you feel good about paying a student loan off early at 1.875% interest, instead of investing that in mutual funds at 12%.

…the girl behind the register asks you "Credit or Debit," and you snap back at her without thinking "I don't have a stinking credit card... do I look stupid?"

…you see other people who are driving nice brand new expensive cars who think they have it all when you know how wrong they really are. (unless they paid cash for it, which I highly doubt)

…you're snowball is made of chips of plastic, checks, coins, and currency, instead of ice and water.

…you do a cost per pound analysis on the tomatoes from your garden.

…you've cut your dryer sheets in half to get double the use per box.

…your teen daughter preaches to her friends the dangers of credit cards.

…your hubbies millionaire boss is impressed while his broke co-workers are making fun of him.

…you've cut your own hair to avoid paying a hairstylist (just this past evening).

…you've filled up on leftover hamburger helper before going out with friends and only ordering iced tea.

... your mom feels bad for your rice and beans diet that she brings you groceries every time she comes over.

... you have your son's first birthday party at home, with homemade food and a homemade cake, instead of one of those party places with a store-bought cake, like you did your other son's birthday party.

... your husband keeps trying to talk you into getting a new van, but you have the nerve to tell him maybe after the debt snowball, but for now, would he please just fix the durn thing?

... your kids ask for store-bought waffles or some other convenience food, and get a five minute lecture on how much cheaper and healthier it is to eat it cooked from scratch.

...you feel sorry for your friend when she goes on a shopping spree, instead of jealous.

…you ask to purchase a cell phone battery because yours is not charging and the sales person behind the counter says it is cheaper to upgrade the phone to a new one ... and you look at her and think has she lost her mind.

…your family believes that you have lost your marbles and says things to you like but you can afford it dear...and it will make you feel so much better.

…the internal temperature in the house is 62 degrees and you try to justify turning the thermostat down a little bit more to save on energy costs.

…you wear all your dry cleanables at least 2-3 times so you don't have to take them back to the cleaners yet.

…your 9 & 7 YO kids:
-yell at the infomercials on tv: "you just want our money! That stuff doesn't work!"
-ask you to set up a another savings fund because they want a [fill in the blank here]
-ask to go to the second hand shop to pick up some computer games
-believe in Santa because Mom & Dad would NEVER buy all that stuff!

…the co-workers in the cubicles around you begin to whisper about their new car purchases and leases, because they know they're about to get another Lecture on stupidity!

…you can listen to another channel during commercials and turn back to the Dave Ramsey Show at exactly the right time for the next segment.

…you clip coupons for $0.25 off at the $1.75 cleaners!

…you go shopping for a new purse, and it HAS TO BE a shape to work with your envelopes.

...you rinse out a paper towel and lay it on the counter to dry for use again later.

…when you go to the bank the teller says "Oh, it must be allowance day."

…you call the bank to check a client's loan history and the teller who usually waits on you answers the phone and after hearing who are you says, "it's not time for your allowance yet."

…the teller who usually waits on you is busy but tells the teller helping you "She doesn't want an envelope, she has her own."

…you have a piece of paper taped down to your computer
desk to write down the exact hour/minute you left off while listening online. So you can find the right spot the next day when you listen again. So you don't miss a second of the show!

…you hear the beginning of Baker Street (the DR theme song) on the radio you get really disappointed that they play the whole song, and it's not followed by a DR segment.

…you calculate other people's stupid tax for them.

…your regular teller writes a note to the kids explaining that the computer was down and that mom really couldn’t fill the envelopes that day!

…YOU see THE NEW 2007 SUBURBAN with someone else driving it and start screaming...y’all have my debt payment!!!

…you have literally taped your debit cards in your wallet.

…your family is watching tv with a jacket on in the winter because your too cheap to turn the heat on.

…every time you are riding beside a brand new or really nice car, you say to yourself, 'Their Broke'....

…the thought of shopping for stuff you don't need makes you ill.

...you move in with your in laws to save money.

...you see furniture on the side of the road and you realize it's in better shape than your own.

...you use credit cards and Satan in the same sentence.

...you price compare thrift shops for the best bargain.

...you still have money on your Christmas gift card cause you really really can't spend the money.

…you have Baker Street for a ring tone on your cell phone.

...at the first sign of spring you start planning your garage sale.

…you enter a store and see no clearance racks and immediately walk out.

…you wait till your son is working at your favorite pizza joint to order because he gets a 30% employee discount (only when he is working)

…you waited to upgrade your TMMO to a yearly subscription until you were sure you would be receiving the brand new edition of the book instead of the old one.

…you can't wait until the show is over to download it onto your IPOD.

…you work at a dept store and another employee comes through your line and I ask "Will this be Associate Cash?" and they immediately go into an explanation about why it has to go on their dept store card.

…your sons ask for a ROTH IRA for Christmas!

...your unemployed EX spends $18.80 to Express mail your kid $10.00 cash in a card and some candy in a box. Your kid rolls his eyes and says "He could be using this money for groceries! What's wrong with him?”

…you re-arrange the books at the bookstore so DR books stand out the most!

…you make your own laundry soap for 3 cents per load and cannot keep from telling everyone you know how to do it themselves!!!

…you use vinegar for fabric softener and actually make people sniff your sleeve to prove to them that it actually works!

…you get up at 4-5am every morning (and don't have to) to pack your spouse's lunch so he won't eat out at fast food joints.

…you are excited at the opportunity to go grocery shopping and whip out the crazy envelope wallet in the hopes that it will spur a conversation with anyone about getting out of debt!!

…your dear husband actually calls you Dave. Tells the waitress at the restaurant to "give the bill to Dave" and points at you.

…you shed tears watching the baby gazelle escape the cheetah
"go baby go go go go go!" or even typing it.

…you see someone driving an economical 88 honda accord and you know that it has to be paid for and your are jealous...

…you can walk out of Home Depot for under $20 and paid for it with cash...

…you keep a budget on your fridge in your purse and on your mirror in the bathroom to remind you what you are trying to do!

…you can spend less than $3 dollars at Wendy's and feed two people.

…you decide Beano is too expensive for your rice and bean budget.

...you ask your husband if he has gas and he thinks you are talking about gas due to the rice and bean budget instead of the car.

…when they were talking about making soap out of bathtub scum and you were thinking of credit card collector scum.
...your pets have their own envelope.

...dear husband is jealous because the pets used coupons, bought on sale, and had some money "left over" so they got to buy the pet toys they had their eyes on.

...you are shopping for office supplies with the company credit card and still feel bad.

...you are shopping for office supplies for work and can't bear to not compare prices, buy generic and get the very best deal.

...you are eating off a card table because you would rather put your money toward a fully funded emergency fund.

...your mother-in-law writes a check at the bank for cash and puts it in an envelope, because you are with her buying holiday groceries.

...your friends who have been in FPU with you see you at the store and quickly pull out their envelopes and wave them at you as if you are the "Envelope Police."

...you have change piles in different areas of your house. Waiting... waiting just in case you don't have enough money in your envelopes. But you never use it because you always make it to payday!

...you have enough checks to last you three years, because you ordered them BDR (Before Dave Ramsey).

...you know exactly what Dave is going to say to any question that is asked of him, and you can't help cringing... and snickering....knowing that they will be informed really soon!

…your 5&6 y.o. go around saying, "Credit cards are EVIL! Evil I tell ya" and your 2 y.o. follows them around saying, "Evil, Evil."

…your kids don't even bother asking for the toy anymore at McD's.

…you feel guilty for even going to McD's.

…your kids randomly say, "my dad's in Iraq making money because we're really poor" to strangers.

…you hear your kids talking about asking for something & one of them says, "You know we don't have money for that, but maybe we can ask mom if we can save up."

…you can recite Dave's opening at the beginning of every hour:
"Live from Financial Peace Plaza, it's The Dave Ramsey Show! Where debt is dumb, cash is king, and the paid-off home mortgage has taken the place of the BMW as the status symbol of choice. I am Dave Ramsey, your host, and this is the BEST is talkradio. Service oriented talkradio. Talkradio that matters. Talkradio about you and for you. [The rest varies]"

…you use crayons to color in squares, squares that represent money paid on a debt that's blown up and taped to your fridge. And you REALLY enjoy coloring in those squares!!

...it's a good thing to be awake in the middle of the night thinking about money. Not because you can't sleep from fear but because you can't sleep for thinking about what you can cut to pay off the debt sooner.

...a really NICE gift for Valentine's Day is a steak dinner. And you about die when you sink your teeth into that first bite because it's been a year and a half since you've had steak.

...you sit here literally bawling your eyes out from happiness when you get a family member hooked on DR.

...you think the best $100 you've ever spent is for 10 TMMO books that you hand out to friends and co-workers. If it changes even one family it was money well spent a hundred times over!

…your 10 yr. old tells you your "cheap".

…you see everyone around you in fancy cars and your first thought is "suckers".

…you see the "immigrants" driving some beat up car with 4 guys riding together and think that's really smart, good for them.

…your neighbor owns an $80K boat and is not satisfied and wants a $100K boat on his equity line and you feel sorry for him for not understanding this is debt.

…your 11 yr. understands that credit cards are a bad idea.

…your 11 yr. tells his younger brother he will help him when he's a millionaire since he's saving his money.

…your kids can tell their friends they have Money Market accts at a high yield.

…you have a panic attack when you see someone spend money on toothpaste, toothbrushes, shampoo, deodorant or aspirin.

…you catch yourself saying "what a rip-off" because a sale is only 75% off.

…you can repeat just about all of the commercials, and you can repeat word for word the disclaimer at the end of the show. "This program is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information with regard to the subject matter covered. This information is given with the understanding that neither the host nor this station is engaged in rendering legal, accounting or other professional advice. Since the details of your situation are fact dependent, you should additionally seek the services of a competent professional".

…your icon picture is an old picture of Dave!

…your 11 year old son can calculate the interest earned/paid on a specific dollar amount for a year, in his head.

…your 8 year old daughter gets teased at school for being poor and your family income is over 100K.

…your 8 year old daughter responds to being called poor by telling the person she's rich because her family loves and supports her.

…you hear of a friend getting a big settlement (100k) and the first thing out of your mouth is, "You had better be paying off debt!"

…your neighbor just bought a $35,000 SUV because they need more room now that they have a baby (whatever) and you know they look down their noses at our 10 year old paid for car and instead of feeling jealous of their new purchase you know that you really are the lucky ones because you will be debt free except the house by May!

...you save over $70 on a hotel room and then refuse to spend an extra $10 to upgrade to a room with a view.

…you ask your child to help you think of a "you might be a Dave Ramsey fan if...." and he says..."I AM NOT A DAVE RAMSEY FAN"...where was that support group?

…you hear about someone winning a large sum of money and you think about how much debt you could pay off if you had won it.

…you hear about someone winning a large sum of money and you think about how you could have an FFEF if you had won it.

…you hear about someone winning a large sum of money and you think of all the ways you would invest it.

…your idea of a big Friday night date with your spouse is sitting reading blogs of other Dave Ramsey fans… and having a blast because we see ourselves.

…your 6 year old asks you if we're debt free yet

…you over hear your six year old telling grandma "when we're debt free" I'm getting such and such

…you ask your 15 year Daughter old to grab that cd' out of the burner (of the Ramsey show) so you can listen to it on the way to work and when you go to put it in the car you realize she has titled the disc... "oh Crap" its dave again!!!!

…you get the kids a new puppy and you name Him Murphy/ Ramsey
and the goldfish are named Broke, Desperate and stupid.

…you find yourself jackknifed in a trailer park because the beater that you just bought had to be towed with a car dolly.

…your coworkers start answering their own question: "I know ... better than you deserve" just after they asked the question "How are you?" .

…it makes you cringe to say "credit" when using your check card, when asked "Debit or credit?"

…you ask for an estimate at the veterinary office during an emergency visit, before deciding what you can afford that day, because you already depleted your baby emergency fund for an emergency dental visit for yourself.

…you delay necessary dental procedures until the money you paid for the last medical visit/dental procedure has cleared your insurance, flexible spending account and been reimbursed back into your account.

…your "blow money" envelope is only $10 to $20 per week, and that is used on groceries, making you realize that you need to increase your grocery cash envelope and decrease some other category.

…you pay certain people in cash just because they take so long to deposit your checks that it takes longer for you to balance your checkbook.

…you turn down invitations to lunch, etc. because it is "not in the budget".

…instead of giving people towels, etc. that they asked for, for their wedding, you give them Dave Ramsey books (all 10, which includes the two Spanish ones and the three workbooks, if you are feeling generous), because you want to make absolutely sure that they are on the same page with their money going into their marriage.
…you ask "How much" instead of "How much down? or "How much per month?".

…you have a lot of Dave Ramsey "isms" playing a tape in your head, and find yourself repeating them (or at least wanting to repeat them) as soon as someone starts to even suggest the idea of doing something unwise/ill-advised with money.

…your then 9 year old daughter graciously receives a gift card from her Aunt and then discreetly whispers in your ear, "Is this debt?"

…you have to tell the bank teller the number of each specific denomination you need when you get your cash so it will be easily split between your 7 envelopes AND so the 3 kids on commission who need to be paid in all ones can easily split their commission for their OWN envelopes.

…you live without a working oven for 7 months so you can save for the replacement all the while mastering the art of baking on the top rack of your gas grill.

...your 10 year olds 1 year old bike suddenly has new life when she is told she will have to replace it with her own money since she has not outgrown it, if she no longer "likes" it.

…"freeeeedom" is no longer thought of as a phrase from Braveheart, but rather a signal that someone is debt free.

…you read ten pages of posts.

…you cringe while the in-laws explain the benefits of getting down to two credit cards (his and hers!) when you try to get them on the Dave Ramsey bandwagon.

…the tellers at your bank keeps track of where you are in line and pace their work to try to get you to use another teller; all because they know you'll be overloading them with requests for strange combinations of various monetary denominations to put in your dozen envelopes.

…you give your 8year old son a quarter for him to pay for a small notebook and when you ask for the change he says it was his money.(no pockets -drops coins twice in the walk over to me) I explain that it was my quarter that he paid for the book with... Then in front of the check-out he screams "But that is BORROWING you are NOT suppose to borrow". (coins go in bag with book)

…you would rather learn how to sew a slip cover than to spend money on a new couch

...you watch other people go out for lunch during work and feel bad for them

...you plan camping vacations months in advance, not to make sure you can get the time off but so it doesn't throw your budget off.

…you begin referring to yourself as the "King of cheap Saturday"...you know, walks in the park, making sandwiches, free movies at the town plaza.

…you felt bad for whomever brought their brand-new Chrysler Minivan to the Dallas Live Event (complete with window sticker). Talk about putting a damper on the day!

…the van breaks down and you think, "Is this REALLY an emergency, I could just walk to work for the next month. It's only a couple miles." because you don't want to disturb the BEF.

...you dreamed you were delivering pizza and you showed up at Dave's house... and you live in Illinois...
…you look forward to Monday because it's Military discount day at the thrift store!

…you get back from eating out and figure that the one hour lunch away from work cost $8.25, 2 Arby's meals bought with coupons cost $8.66= Total cost $16.91!!!! ARGH- Could have brought PB & J!

…you associate "Another One Bites the Dust" with plasectomy.

...you actually know what a plasectomy is.

…after breaking your little toe, you ask your husband, (while crying from the pain) to check with the Urgent Care Center to see if they are cheaper than the emergency room at the hospital.

…you give your 2-year-old and 4-year-old pennies to throw in the fountain and then feel immediate remorse for it because you could have saved those pennies and contributed to another cash envelope.

…you use cash and think about how weird that is to be doing that.

…you take off the labels off tin cans and use them for writing paper to save money.

…you overhear your 9 year old and 7 year old sons discussing a lost toy and accusing mom of selling it on e-bay.

…you spend hours, literally, making out weekly menu's based on sale papers.

…you cut off your hair to save on shampoo & conditioner.

…someone asks your kids what flavor kool aid they drink at your home and they say, "Dave Ramsey."

…you're mother looks at you like you're insane because you make $105,000 a year and you brag about a bag of socks you were lucky enough to snag at a flea market.

...you're family refers to you as "Dave Jr."

…you run out of deposit slips long before you run out of checks in your checking account!

…your toes are hanging off the end of your sandals because you won't get another pair until payday, only if they are in the budget, and only if they are on sale, and only if you pay cash.

…the highlight of your trip to the grocery store is reading the total savings on the receipt when you leave the store.

…your teens are embarrassed to go with you to the store because their friend works there and they know you're going to be pulling out a wad of coupons at the checkout.

…you have a nervous breakdown if you misplace your coupons.
…you contemplate how much toilet paper your family uses a day and think maybe you should have them count squares.

…you log on to My Total Money Makeover and Dave's speech starts, your six year old screams "I LOVE that guy!"

…you think about Christmas coming up in 4 months, and you know that you cannot afford it this year. You tell your kids "Christmas is a craft"!

…you tell your 17 year old daughter that she/we will not be borrowing money to send her to college. If she wants to go someplace expensive, she's got to look into scholarships!

…you actually get why these sayings are funny!

…you rent an apartment where the bedroom is the same as the living room and your bathroom door will only open partially due to the couch being in the way.

…you and your hubbie think that a 'hot' date is a trip to McD's for their 50 cent ice cream cones.

...you go to the local grocery store and actually enjoy doing the "self checkout" and filling it full of change like a slot machine (from what you found in your car).

…you ask they pizza guy how he is and hope he says "Better than I deserve" so you can give him an extra $20.

…you get a light blue "Debt Free and Lovin' It" sticker from Dave Ramsey for doing a debt free scream and although you drive a red truck and it looks ridiculous you put it on anyway. You figure..."Hey, maybe it'll get more attention this way."

…you fantasize about the day you'll be able to scream "I'M DEBT FREE!!!"

…you and your spouse exchange the SAME Christmas card back and forth to save money.

…you go to a Live Event and start laughing at the joke before Dave gets to the punch line.

…you have "Dave" so engrained in your head that you don't realize that everyone does not know who Dave is.

…your 5 year old tells someone (a perfect stranger) "we are going to buy an RV after we are debt free"

…the bank teller says we must be doing something right because we make so many deposits

…you have to write out a check and have to pause to think HOW because it's been so long

…you seriously consider the long term savings versus the expense of a bidet or TP

…you consider a pbj a GOOD lunch as opposed to just pb

…you can't enjoy a party because you keep thinking how much the hosts spent to pull it off--and probably on a cc

…you find yourself randomly wondering HOW to save $ on feminine monthly products.

…no matter how stoic you are, tears form in your eyes when you hear someone scream "I'M DEBT FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!"

…you tell your wife you don't see any reason to go shopping, you already have a black pair of pants.

…your mom calls to say she is going on a trip this weekend to try out their new $25,000 travel trailer, your initial thought is "You have more debt than I do!" And want to ask if they paid cash for it. But think better of saying anything...

…you have gotten to the point you have eaten so much Top Ramen that you pretty much hate it... and continue to eat it anyways (the new ALPO diet. 66 ways to eat Top Ramen...)

…you just finished that quote.

...you think all these things are funny and awesome instead of down right pathetic.

…you stand in line and check out the person at the register, if they are pulling cash or credit. If cash, you wonder if they know about Dave Ramsey.

No Alone Time For Me

And within minutes of posting, I was called to both the middle and the elementary schools to pick up first JoJo, then Paloma...such is life.

Happiness for $16.50

Out the door by 7:45 this morning, all the kids successfully deposited at the correct schools, my mother and I hit a yard sale where I spent $5 to buy Javy a king-size comforter that had a $119 department store price tag. $10 bought me a large gorgeous mirror for my renovated/ing dining room to reflect the light that bounces in from my very bright kitchen. This is why I have no credit card debt.

Mom offered to buy me breakfast at IHOP, but I knew I had left-over smashed potatoes at home that were calling my name, luring me with the thought of hot pepper cheese and fire hot pepper sauce. This must be why I don't have a weight problem.

It was pouring rain so I stopped at Starbucks and got a ton of coffee grinds. This is how I'm able to grow so much, I have very well-fed soil.

I sound like a self-righteous, pompous, know-it-all bird turd here and if I could tone it down, I might be able to make a good point to my children about how the little choices add up to make really big successes over time.

CW was strutting around the house this morning and we were talking about how he's lived in this house his entire life, all 12 1/2 years...how we (Monica and I) just didn't know what was ahead of us 16 years ago when we found this particular house that didn't impress me one whit, but I fell deeply and immediately in love with the land, with the woods and the creeks, the rolling hill terrain, and the extreme gardening potentials. I love it even more now that it's nearly paid for.

The second half of my life is unfolding to me to appear to be even more fun than the first half has been, I've lost all my dumb, useless angst over minor stuff, I've acquired a 'who cares' or 'nevertheless' overall attitude, while retaining a wheelbarrow load of pure goofiness, and it's just so much easier to be happy in spite of it all. That's a darn good feeling.

And I spent 50 cents on a Ken Blanchard book for me.

So I can live here peacefully on my own planet with my own silly thoughts and just choose happiness simply because I can.

Pointless, pointless, pointless

A common denominator amongst adoptive parents might well be the law-breaking tendencies shared by our children. Children who raged all through childhood aren't likely to become calm and sedate by age 18.

From another mother yesterday, "Sorry I laughed at your post today. M and I often joke about family reunions at jail, inmates saving money and signing the same Mother's Day card, or maybe just purchasing one cell and they can throw all children with the same last name into the same cell together--you know save the county some money! It might help some of our children from breaking the law because they think, "I'm not at bad as so and so!"--What a rude awakening if you are in the same cell as "the bad one!" Nothing else is keeping anyone from breaking the law so I don't see why I shouldn't be able to give this theory a try! Anyway, I laughed and I am thankful that at 8:30 in the morning it's not me-- yet today."

Her email cracked me up and this laughter in the trenches might be what keeps us sane.

After church last night, yeah church where I take the children for some moral upbringing to supplement or improve upon what I also teach at home to apparently uninterested folks, I noticed my cell phone had a message. I often either don't hear the phone or have misplaced it.

I listened in alarm as a deputy asked me to call him back asap. How did he even have my cell number I wondered.

Turns out the warrant from the other day made it through to his desk when we were told it had been rescinded. If I hadn't been standing there with my daughter and heard the same chain of events I would have automatically assumed she'd lied to me, but I was there with her. Hmmm.......

I explained to him the situation, but likely all sorts of folks sing him some sob stories. Fortunately I have a reputation of not lying to folks, of standing on the side of authority, and of not enabling anyone for anything.

He was skeptical, I could hear it in his voice, but I didn't know what else to do. I was telling him the truth. He advised me to call the courthouse this morning and to make sure my daughter didn't go anywhere last night.

I'd also received a call from a credit bureau this week saying I owed money on a bill. I often hear from folks saying my children owed money, but this really irked me and I told the man, "That's not possible," and deciphered from his rude and threatening tone of voice that he didn't believe me at all.

That absolutely crawls under my skin. I'm as honest as they come, I pride myself on honesty, and to get disbelieved nearly sends me into tears and sobs of frustration. I'll pay a bill before I'll buy groceries as the Bible admonishes us to pay what is owed, I take that literally.

I called the agency who'd sent it into collections and they were rude as well even though I could see in my on-line bank account that it had been paid and that they'd cashed the check. My blood pressure soared, we argued, me politely but clearly strained.

Finally they discovered that I had two accounts there and one account had a surplus. I nearly screamed, "DUH!!!!" with exclamation marks and all. I shouted it in my head certainly, but Southern to the bone, I graciously accepted their apologies, and asked them to call the collection agency and straighten it out, knowing full well I'd probably still have to fight to get it cleared. Like I don't have enough folks fighting me over pointless stuff?

Two more days of Jonathan refusing to go to school. A ten year old this emotionally messed up? Pointless parenting? Stressed to the max, knowing if he's this messed up now, how much so as an adult?

U14 Champs

In court, the next county over where the big city is, I'm tending to one son when I run into another older son who sheepishly hugs me, sidesteps my questions, and consoles me about the younger son, "Mom, he's just going through the junk we all go through. I love you," implying the other son, Mr Clingy, is too self-involved to speak aloud such a concept.

I remind the older son that he has seemingly kept his knotty head up his own butt for several years now, to which he apologizes and explains, "I know mom, I'm just embarrassed."

Well I'm just tired of this junk.

I flounced off from both sons eventually, reminding them not to enable each other, but rather to keep each other accountable instead.

"Y'all go right ahead acting like you don't need God and then tell me where's it's gotten you," I reminded them ominously, just about sick of all this hard-headedness that results in court costs, fines, fees and other expenses from grown kids who study money management about as often as they check Bible verses. Can I hear a big NOT?

I was really happy to see my older son who has been avoiding the entire family for quite some time now, but has also made some pretty big strides forward at the same time, working three jobs and digging his way out of a morass that I tried to help him comprehend that he was creating it.

And the younger one? Oh brother, does he have some very hard lessons to learn. All the stuff I've tried to explain to him for years and years. Simple idiotic stuff like you need a job. Or if he holds on to a job then don't spend more than you earn.

I came back home, loaded down with coffee grinds once again, eating a hot pepper cheese sandwich for lunch (at 10:30 in the morning), doing my own mundane chores and really, really grateful to be at this stodgy point in my life where I've learned that material stuff won't make me happy.

What does make me happy?

Successful children, my relationship with God, my gardens, not owing money because I have the innate blessed ability to live on very little, and good friends, great family.

Designer clothes wouldn't make an old bat like me look any better, restaurant eating wouldn't make me healthier, and there's sure no point in pedicures or manicures since I work like a dog all the time.

Thank you Lord for such contentment.

Now if only I could make some progress in Jonathan's life...

Confinement

If I'd not been called late yesterday about yet another courtroom drama to attend this morning, "Mom, does ten day confinement mean jail?" then maybe I could write an early morning post about Daniel's girlfriend, Lauren, in clown make-up, but obviously it'll have to wait til later.

"I'll meet you there at nine," I assured him (it's not Daniel), chuckling over his unpaid speeding ticket because in the realm of possible disasters, this is fairly minor and will allow me to drop by Starbucks to pick up Grinds for My Gardens. After the first frost, so many less people compete for the grinds.