One Hundred Foot Diet

I'm so there. Sign me up. This makes my whole life make sense, yet another reason to never leave home.

However I need to go to the Time Store and cash in all my fictitious treasury bonds to buy a non-existent commodity...something no one has enough of...free time.

What with 20 something folks wanting to eat 3 meals a day plus countless snacks, all that laundry and housecleaning, nose-wiping and hug dispensing, my garden time shrinks in response to the demands.

After driving Miss Skanky Pants WannaBe to church camp, of all places, "You think anyone else there is gonna have their butt cheeks hanging out and smiling at the world? I don't think so," getting Fabian to work, coming home to referee, I then bounded back outside with Paloma, Lily, Jack, Scotty, Jonathan, Tabby and Nando who watched in awe as I dug up half a garden bed of red potatoes. "Sweet!" Nando screamed in delight.

"We can eat these?" Tabby asked in wonder, as they were picture perfect taters, still surprised after three years of living here that there is so much food outside, such wonderful food. She soon lost interest in the potatoes and went after the blackberries while I set up hoses and planted more cucumbers where the potatoes had been. Like anyone can have enough cucumbers?

Jonathan got me more wood chips and Paloma ate more strawberries. My kids rarely help in the garden. They, my children, never weed. Never, ever as I'm too worried they'll pull everything up, sometimes they'll water but they barely focus, sometimes they'll hang and talk to me but they quickly complain about the heat, leaving me to the one place on our property that is usually fairly quiet.

No wonder I garden.