Gifts From the Heart

For a bunch of skinny folks, we sure do love our food. Cristy'd made this creme brulee last week or so and had brought enough for us to share. Yesterday she'd brought me 15 pounds of old, used coffee grounds from Starbucks for my compost heap, now these are exactly the kinds of presents that bring me pure joy. The mall has nothing that I want.

I briefly talked to my son-in-law, Jose, last night. He's safe in San Salvador but oh so unhappy. A devoted family man, living there for now without either his wife nor his five children, I was asked by a New Orleans reader if a letter writing campaign would help. I don't know yet as we have a couple of alternative options available, first of which involves a local congressman here. Thank you for the offer which I'll certainly think about as we review our strategy for his legal return.

Mayra's recurrent dental problem have popped back as we go into her pre-surgery days here. One issue after another but I slept really well last night from pure t exhaustion, I feel able to face it all today.

Very able and that feels good. Yesterday I felt as if I blindly staggered through the day, now I'm energized.

Sarah, Yolie, Grandma and Monica all came over to babysit and tend to my children while I helped Carolina in Atlanta with Jose's departure. Grandpa went to the grocery store for us all and did a great job. The man is 78 and has never food shopped but Grandma must have sent him a detailed list and cell phone instructions because he sure came through for us.

My kids are trying to be strong for Carolina's kids but this physical loss of Jose affects everyone in a very negative manner. We all knew it was coming but true to my head-in-the-sand denial of unpleasant events, I'd forced it to the back of my mind until it became a clear reality.

My niece, Lauren, here now with us distracted Blanca until late last night. Lauren's dad Kevin has made such a wonderful effort to get Lauren down here with us, several times a year from 600 miles away and that alone speaks volumes to my edgy children. Lauren's friend Natalie isn't here this time but my silly Tabby got to talk to her yesterday on the phone. Every single such instance of compassion so helps my children to heal emotionally, yet it takes years and years and years of repetition and stability to provide the balm they need. Jose not being here tears at their very core. His return will mean so much to everyone, but the not knowing how long it will take pushes my children into teetering fragile glass yoyos.

Firming up the summer school schedule, bus route and times, Tony starts tomorrow and the other three early next week. Lauren and Natalie were both here the summer that several deputies had to remove Fabian from our home, the afternoon Joey offered to take a knife in the gut that Fabian meant for me, now seeing a very happy, friendly Fabian is almost culture shock. Natalie had written him a letter he'd treasured and both girls had prayed so specifically for him for years. Fabian bear-hugged Lauren yesterday so happy to see her, so relatively free from his many years of unbridled anger - visible emotional progress that so enables me to get up and continue this full-time, hands-on, often soul shattering parenting.

I just went back and read those July 06 entries, something I very rarely do. Even the re-reading is painful to me, re-living it would be unbearable. Looking back now though with Fabian now being so wonderful is rewarding though and gives me hope for a couple of my other children.

I know Fabian will have setbacks and upheavals, down times, and will disappoint me, but overall I see progress, a visble acknowledgement of his love and gratitude by his positive actions that I am very, very pleased with him overall. Pictured below with his eldest birth sister who he totally and blindly adores, his baby brother goofy with fake plastic teeth in the background, Fabian is slowly coming to terms with all he's been through.