Wednesday, November 07, 2007
When I make a decision about something, that's it buddy, I'm there, determined, driven and pig-headed about it.
Becoming a vegetarian 30 something years ago, I've never wavered, nor been tempted to do so. I kicked a diet soda habit nearly 20 years ago, most of my children have never seen me sip one and since I don't drink, smoke or do drugs, there's now few bad health habits to work on. I do need to exercise regularly which I don't do, figuring I'm burning enough calories just getting through each day alive.
At 17 I moved out of my parents house just as Vanessa has done. I was too hot-headedly independent, feeling absurdly and cluelessly wealthy with all my tips from working double shifts at Shoney's and finishing up high school before my 18th birthday. I have never had that much disposable income again in spite of my college degrees as within a year I was married and expecting Sarah's birth. She'll be 34 in two weeks.
While I dearly miss that stash of one dollar bills crumpled in my jeans, my life is all the richer for what I've been through since then.
I wouldn't take nothing for my journey now. Click here to hear it.
I know Vanessa is angry at life. She took the brunt of her birth mom's rage, out of all seven of those children. I also know she's very attached to me and this is a stage she needs to go through; to set up this pseudo-rejection that she initiated to prove to herself that I don't love her, that no one does just like she learned years ago. A self-fulfilling prophecy that's not gonna happen.
I've been through this with so many of my children that I'm neither hurt nor dismayed. She'll be back. Maybe not to live here but within the context of our family. Her birth sister Mayra, pictured here is fixing to turn 14 this month, wanting a small birthday slumber party of sisters and her niece, Baby Yolie. "Do you want to invite any friends?" I'd asked.
She thought about it, knowing how safe and cocoonish it is within our family, but is actually considering inviting an "outsider" or two.
And then there's Thanksgiving...that should be interesting this year.