Beth came over with more t-shirts than we've ever owned in our lives. She must have ironed each one, neatly folded up perfectly...my kids excitedly claiming the ones they wanted, I got some too. Thank you Beth.
I was despondent, for a minute, over my inability to reach Teresa, to change the behaviors of a child with Reactive Attachment Disorder. Yes I know if I were capable of doing that, I'd be a whale of a wealthy woman right now, as the world would pay millions for a cure.
I wailed to Yolie, "What was the point of her getting a mom? Should I have saved this wasted 8 years of energy for a child who didn't give a hoot anyway? Used it on kids who'll never get a mom?"
It's not like I think good thoughts all the time. I have despairing moments as well.
Yolie, as usual, got me back on track, reminding me that it was all worth it. ALL kids have a need to belong, and Teresa might someday look back on my efforts, might start to understand that I tried. If nothing else, her two siblings, Martin and Tony, have greatly benefited from being in a family. Even her older brother, Joey, knows that I did all I could.
In his 20s, maybe even he will calm down, obey laws, understand more about life?
Maybe I have to work this hard, to bang my head against stones, just to understand that the next generation will be so much better off for all my efforts. I can look at my grandchildren and smile, knowing that their parents love them, knowing that all is well in their lives...that truly does make it all worth it...as I reach for an aspirin.
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4 comments:
You don't know how many times we have asked ourselves (regarding a couple of our kids) "Why couldn't we have gotten some kids who really WANTED a family and who would have taken advantage of it in a positive way?"
Matching your thoughts exactly.
Maybe sometimes it's not about succeeding with every one of them, but about being obedient to God in what WE do. We can't make THEM be obedient, but we can do it ourselves.
sometimes that's the only thought that gets me through. I'm gonna keep on doing what I do because it's the right thing.
I understand what you are saying our 1 Rad child sucks us dry,I wonder all the time why am I doing this? To myself and the rest of the family that want to be here.Theirs so many times i've wanted to give up.
Ya know, we were just talkin' about this the other day, my mom and I.
We discussed how many GENERATIONS it has taken our family to CONSCIOUSLY get the huge MEGA sins out of our lives. (Yes, God doesn't see big or little sins, it's all sin, but BOY do some of those come with some bigger consequences for us while we are on the planet..)
We talked about how it has taken 3 generations to CONCIOUSLY root out substance abuse issues. (alcohol, drugs, etc.. we're still working on the gluttony part, so we're not there yet)
It all began when SHE chose to not go down that path (many other siblings and cousins didn't)
Then *I* chose conciously to not go down that road. (some other cousins didn't..but it was getting more rare in the second generation of effort) and NOW my children (well, 3 of the 4) are consciously choosing the better path. THe 4th is just a knucklehead and doesn't live up to his potential. Not substance abuse, just self destructive behavior.
So what's my point? YOU ARE RIGHT and YOLIE is right. SUCCESS is just around the corner. We get to see GLIMMERS of it in the present generations, but BOY HOWDY are you going to see more of it. Why? It's a NUMBERS GAME, Cindy!! YOU increased the chaos exponentially but you increased the odds in your FAVOR EVEN MORE SO!!! Hallelujah, you are seeing the fruit in your family now and hang in there because you will DEFINITELY see it in your grand kids.
But the bottom line (The truth that sucks for us moms who want to save them all) is that NOT all of them will CHOOSE to be saved from that life of despair.
But some will.
All of this effort is for those who will choose the right path. ANd we have to remember that the others got to experience the love we offered, even when they don't want to accept it or follow the rules. You're doin' great, sista!!
Keep it up!!
TTYL
Becky in Okla (that lady who is so inspired she checks in on you almost every day.)
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