Keeping My Family Safe

The more I thought about the level of danger that I live in, and the more I realized that all my children need to not be re-traumatized by violent episodes from a young man that can not control himself, the more I comprehended today how much we needed help. No one should have to hide the last two knives that haven't been stolen or broken, no one should have to have a pile of children sleeping with them because the kids are scared of what Fabian might do.

I went to the Sheriff's Office this morning and pitched a hissy. Told them that I didn't call for help unless we needed it, that I usually tackled kids down, restrained wild ones, and tended to everything my own self 99% of the time, but that there were times that we felt endangered...a heart pounding, gut thumping, scared out of my mind, can't catch my breath fear. And last night Miriam and I were both massively alarmed...and not protected at all.

It isn't fair to my younger kids to see the police here, nor to hear verbal threats against their siblings, nor their mom, or worse yet, the many times that Fabian has attacked someone. I've had it.

The investigator at the sheriff's office heard me out, several other men heard me due to my volume, and he said he'd notify Juvenile. Duh, buddy, me too.

I called DJJ when I got home, and explained as clearly as I knew how, that this boy could be the school shooter, that this is a violently dangerous child, and that we needed both help and protection. She listened, she called an expediter, and she was told to send me to IFI.

Ok, I'll do it. But IFI shot me down, we don't deal with kids that violent, we don't want to send someone out to your house for an emergency assessment.

I actually agreed with her, I wouldn't want to be responsible for keeping someone else safe also.

Another mental health team from another program was notified and I spoke to an insightful, very sharp woman who heard my fear. I went there at 1 with Fabian.

Four hours later we have a crisis respite home for him to go to tonight about an hour away from here, a cooling off time, a chance to examine other alternatives.

I don't want us to become a statistic, a victim of violence, nor permanently incapacitated because no one will listen to me, and I made that clear to four separate agencies today...that we are not safe with Fabian in our home. If something does happen after I have officially warned everyone, then they can deal with the aftermath and their consciences.

At this point, Fabian is not fit to live in a family setting...it is not safe for the family, and I'd be a negligent mom to allow this danger within.

It may take a temporary therapeutic foster placement, a psychiatric hospitalization, or a residential placement...but it is not going to take one of us being hurt in one of his rages.

This is going to be a battle to get him services, but I'm going to fight it.

I'm going to keep my family safe.